Early this afternoon we were doing some pyramids. Officially, I am the flyer and I have my very strong and beautiful base and a back spotter. As we were practicing different stunts, I couldn’t help but to hurt them, hit them in the face or kick their heads as I land onto their arms. I can sense the pain they were feeling even though they keep telling me that they were fine, but actually they were not. I felt apologetic and dreadful at the same time. I started blaming myself for the fault happened (but I just kept it in my head), because I knew that I need to master more the stunts I am doing. I haven’t done these before and this was my only opportunity to learn them in order to stay where I am placed right now.
I really want to cry that moment because I was already causing them so many burdens, but I tried to holdback my tears as long as I could so they wouldn’t notice. I want them to know that I am still determined and willing to do better for the team despite of the errors done.
Eventually, when we were doing the ‘twist’, I was able to land perfectly several times without hurting them physically! Finally! Finally! we were able to make it! I suddenly burst down in tears for the joy I felt! And that feeling was beyond words! My company was starting to cry as well. They must have felt the same way too. I was so glad that I finally did right before the training session ended.