Not over you- Gavin Degraw

"If you asked me how I'm doin' I would say I'm doin' just fine, I would lie and say that you're not on my mind.

But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I'm forced to face the truth...

No matter what they say, I'm not over you"

Lately, I feel like singing lines from different songs. Those words seem to get how I feel. Sometimes I feel loveless, so alive, so tired, so lonely, so insecure, so mad, so inspired, so merry... in short, I'm having mixed emotions. And whatever I have in my mind I always want to let it out, but sometimes I couldn't let it all out because there is something stopping me. And it just feels so bad not making it happen :|

sigh. I hope, I hope... cuz I don't want to wish anymore :|

:|

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't make a person wait for nothing."

:|

BV!!!

Officially back!

At last! I finally had the time to open my blog and post something new. It’s been 3 weeks (I guess?) that this was in silent. The last time I blogged here was when I received my certificate from a baking class and reminding you how many more days before my birthday.

4 days before my birthday, people inside the house were so busy preparing everything for the party, from the house, the foods, drinks and etc. It was even raining so hard that time and I was already feeling something not so good about it. We even received frequent brown- out due to the heavy rains pouring. When it was already the day of my birthday, I was expecting many visitors to come because many said they will attend my birthday party. Then, I was disappointed. Few only came because of the stupid weather! I knew this was happening! I was really annoyed because the people who I was expecting the most didn’t come. And honestly, I was so sad and told myself that it was the worst party ever! But good thing I looked at the bright side, Janred came, and he is one of the important people in my life, my girlfriends also remembered me, and so as the guy I’ve been crushing for a long time, eventually, I find calmness in my sorrowing heart.

After the birthday party and everything that happened, I cleaned the whole house again, washed piles of plates and arranged the furniture. Now it was the time to prepare everything for my new school.

Another disappointment came to my life when I wasn’t able to qualify to enroll in my dream school, ADMU, when I received an e-mail from their office. I started holding back tears because my cousin and my mom were around and I don’t want them to see me crying. What happened to my birthday and the news I received made me so down! A failure! I felt like my life was in ruin. I have no other choice but to enter MIRIAM COLLEGE, an exclusive school for girls. I never wanted to enroll there but I have no choice and the deadline of requirements needed was near. If I didn’t abruptly make a move, they might not accept me and not be able to enter any school at all. So, I guess, that is where I really belong. I have no other choice but to accept the outcome of my life.

After I successfully passed all the needed requirements, I was now enrolled in that school. I wasn’t feeling so happy at all. I started attending psychological exam and orientations from those said schedules. And you know what sucks? My dream school is just beside my present school and every time I’ll pass by I can feel that I am so hurt, I even question myself, “Am I really an imbecile?”

I’m trying to move on by searching things what my present school has that my dream school doesn’t have. But whatever I see around the campus, still ADMU is far better.
I guess I just started loving my present school when I listened to the last orientation that they held last June 7. It was convincing, and little, I’m starting to be proud that I am now a MARYKNOLLER. They even prepared different presentations from different clubs and organizations they have and they really amused me.

The following day, June 8, was my first day in school and my first time to be in college. I felt just fine traveling there and meeting my blockmates and making new set of friends. And until present I’m gaining more academically and socially.

The end is near

It's not about the earth that I am talking about, or my life in near death. No. Those are not what the end is all about.

It's about school ...

My high school life is near to end in less than two months (can you imagine that?), and graduation is near! I feel so excited and sad at the same time. There are many reasons why. I know some of you had experienced my feelings before, and some of you who haven't yet will also feel the same as you're on your way to college.

My classmates counted the days in the calendar and said that we only have 55 days to go before leaving our school. I don't know how to react that moment. Like I said, my emotions are mixed up. Our adviser told us too, that by March 25, 2011, we'll be having the ceremony that will happen once in a lifetime, that is-- to graduate in high school!

Now, I don't know what else to do aside from completing my requirements and passing all the academic subjects. I fell like I want to fulfill something in my high school life. I just don't know what it is.

For now, I will do my best to make it on stage and make my parents proud!

God bless us.

I told you before, I hate spiders!

Just a minute ago while washing the dishes, A big, dark brown colored, hairy spider suddenly appeared in front of me. I tried to keep myself calm but I can't help but to let my heart pump faster. I'm really afraid of those kinds of creatures, I can't help but to scream (but I'm not yet screaming that time).

Then it crawled to the floor.

The spider was still near me, and I can't help but to stare at it while soaping the plates. I started to imagine crazy stuffs. Will this spider attack me? If it will; will I die soon? be like spiderman? or not die and not be like spiderman but will have a huge soar that will spread throughout my body?


The creature was quiet, but looked very poisonous. It looked very creepy too, you know!
I finally screamed when it came closer to me.

Then  my younger sister came and hit it with a broom. The spider wasn't dead, but it became weak. It could no longer stretch its tentacles, and I pity the spider for what happened to it even the spider did nothing wrong to me.

:(

Jamie Solano: Her Sad Feeling

So empty ... Inside ... that a little flame of hope in my heart, faded away into the darkness ...

Hope ... Where are you? Faith ... Please help me find hope ... the world ... so hollow ...

I wish I'm always in front of the computer ... "He" is always there to listen ... I wish I could meet him, so he can comfort me always, like he always does every night ... We always chat in the evening, always there to listen ... Someday I will find you ... I hope ... Always there, like the sun in the morning and the stars at night ... there waiting for me ...

He hurts me with his texts ... I know he loves me but .. he's leaving me ...

He's leaving me behind ... I don't know anymore ... I'm alright, just needed to cry to remove the pain.

From: Jamila Marie Diasanta Solano

My heart is in pain

I can't remember when was the last time I felt hurt, I mean my heart. Maybe because that time when I was younger I found out that my crush had someone in his heart already. Yes. I felt hurt for that stupid crush. And that was a long time ago.

It's totally different today, I'm not a baby or a kid anymore. I'm growing up, as a teen. And crushes are not a big deal for me anymore.

I felt hurt for someone who I really love, not just an ordinary crush anymore. Someone who is really special to me. Someone I fell for.

Even tough I'm a little sad of what happened, I know this will pass away since we have talked clearly about our situation.

We are mutually bound. We love each other but we can't be together. He said it is not the right time for both of us.

This is what he said, " Remember what I'll say. Study, Meet people, enjoy your life and if you can live your life as if I'm not part of it. I don't want to be a hindrance to your life."

I cried, of course, for a while. But now I think it is healing.

Thanks for my mother's guidance. Without her, maybe I'll feel more hurt than ever.


'Till next time,
Erica

EVEN HERE?!

THIS IS TOO MUCH! ALL MY HATERS REALLY TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE MY DAY BAD! WELL I'M STARTING A LITTLE (you had your little achievement!). NOT ONLY AT FORMSPRING BUT ALSO HERE ON MY BLOG. THOSE PEOPLE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM ANYMORE. THEY ARE SO BULLY! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS TO ME. I THOUGHT WHEN I'M AWAY FROM SCHOOL I'LL HAVE MY PEACE OF MIND. BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE OPPOSITE! MY GOODNESS!

I REALLY DON'T KNOW! CAN'T THEY JUST IGNORE ME LIKE THE WAY I DO TO THEM?

IF I HAD THIS ATTITUDE PROBLEM THEN WHY CAN'T THEY SAY THAT TO ME PERSONALLY? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SEND ANONYMOUSLY TO SAY EVERYTHING THEY WANT?

FIRST, I NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM. IF THERE'S SOMETHING, WHY CAN'T THEY REPORT THAT TO ME?

SECOND, I NEVER SPREAD A RUMOR ABOUT THEM, BUT THEY DID ABOUT ME!

THIRD, THEY KEEP ON NOTICING ME, EVEN THOSE LITTLE THINGS LIKE WHEN I LAUGH, OR THE HEADBAND I AM WEARING ETC.. DO YOU GET MY POINT?

I ALWAYS BACK AWAY SO THERE WILL BE NO BIGGER ISSUES, BUT THEY WON'T REALLY STOP! THE ONLY WAY HOW I CAN EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS ARE THROUGH THIS BLOG THAT I ONLY HAVE AND MY TWO REAL FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL.

geezes! GOOD THING I'M MATURED ENOUGH TO THINK THAT NOT EVERYONE HATES ME! MY HATERS ARE ALL FROM MY SCHOOL ONLY. BUT WHEN I GO TO OTHER PLACES, PEOPLE DON'T HATE ME ANYMORE. REALLY AT SCHOOL ONLY! I SWEAR.

I HOPE WHEN I REACH COLLEGE, I WON'T SEE THEIR FACES ANYMORE. I'M HOPING. HOPE IS WHAT I ONLY HAVE RIGHT NOW. IT WILL BE MY LAST YEAR IN THAT SCHOOL, AND I HOPE THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR A THEIR OWN REMEMBRANCE

I'M NOT CRYING.