Stressful Tuesday!

I lacked sleep from last night. I only had 4 hours of sleep and I felt so cranky this morning. I woke up at 4:00am and left the house at 5:40am. If I'll leave later than that I'll be late on my 7:30am class. I don't have a choice. This is going to be my routine everyday for the whole 2nd semester.

Anyways, whenever someone would talk to me, I would give them a rude answer subconsciously. I could also sense myself frowning the whole time. I even tried to close my eyes for quick seconds when my professors were facing the blackboard while discussing something in class for I was so sleepy. In addition, I get easily annoyed of something or someone just because it or she looks annoying to me. 

Somehow, I managed to laugh and smile when my classmates were throwing funny stories and punchlines at break times, but after those I can't help but to be back in my grouchy mood again!

Oh, stress! I know you won't leave me, but at least lessen it please. Sincerely, begging for a longer sleep.

Good night!

Howlee Sheet!

For the first time in my college life, I was marked late in my 7:30am class today, which is Humanities. It sucks! Now I won't be able to have a perfect record in my attendance sheet. Why did this happen when the semester is almost over? Alas!

The story starts like this.

Whenever I have a 7:30 am class I am supposed to wake up at 4:30 and leave the house around 5:45 in the morning. But today was something devastating! I didn't hear my phone alarmed! or my phone didn't alarm? Whatever. I am still late, and I hate to remember it! I already woke up 6 in the morning! And maybe I will be waking up later than that if my mom didn't come inside the room to ask me to print the contract that was saved on my laptop.

"Howlee sheet!!!" were the first words I said this morning and I felt bad about it.

I rushed myself to take a bath and left the house without eating my breakfast. I did that all for half an hour!

I know by that time that it's already traffic on highways and it's impossible to get a ride going to school. My emotions were mixed up. I don't know if I should stay positive or release the madness feeling inside me.

Finally, I made it to the class! I arrived there at 7:50am, but my professor already checked the attendance and I was already marked late!

Shoot!

Morbid Monday!

I felt mortified in front of the whole student body today. Early this morning we had our rehearsal for our field demonstration. There's a dance number that 10 selected students from each year level will be introduced and dance for that number. I wasn't chosen by my adviser because I was absent the day she had listed the students who will participate.

I felt bad because I always wanted to join the final dance of the program and now I wasn't included. This was supposed to be my final year performing in ALLS.

Not until my adviser approached me and said, "Why don't you join the final dance? Go ahead and join." My mood brighten up when she said that. But I still felt the worry that I may not be allowed to dance because the  number of the participants in the senior year will exceed. She asked others to join as well. I was so happy she lets me dance.

Then the practice started. The seniors were introduced through the microphone. The 13 of us were standing on stage. Other students from different levels were watching us as well to see the dance number. Suddenly, our directress counted us. Oh, no! I knew this will going to happen. She said she only needed 10 and the 3 other students have to back out. But i don't want to back out!

No one wants to leave and the directress was madly waiting for us. I swallowed my pride and stepped back and went down the stage.

It was such a shame!

But I have to be fair. It was my fault also because I was absent the other day when they were looking for participants.

So, I let this happened. Geez!

Good thing it was replaced by a very nice compliment from a teacher regarding my performance and my good grades in school. All the bad vibes easily gone away.

I still thank God for this.

Amen.

What's up, Doc?

Last Friday my dentist contacted me and told me to be in her clinic the following day.

I DID.

As I enter her clinic, she was attending a patient who was seated on the dental chair. There was also a patient before me waiting for her turn and her teeth has to be re sealant.

After SEVERAL minutes it was another patient's turn. The one who I am next with.

My dentist was not yet done sealing the patient's teeth. I was totally bored, so I gave up. I waited an hour and a half for nothing!

I have to go back home for I'm already hungry and I want to eat my lunch, and besides I have a rehearsal in school later that time. I still have to prepare the things needed to be brought there. What I did is I approached my dentist and asked if I can just go back tomorrow.

Tomorrow was today, Sunday.

 Finally, I was the first patient who came to her clinic. As I was seated on the dental chair, I opened my mouth, she checked for a FEW seconds and said, "Your braces can now be removed. Let's reschedule when you want to take them off."

That's it?! That's the appointment all about?!
Of course I can't ask her to remove it that time because I didn't bring any money for the labor.
For all I know is she will do some adjustments and I don't have to pay any amount.
The only reaction I could give was to smile and said "okay". But that was totally not okay for me!

I waited longer than to be assisted! Shoot! If I only knew this was going to happen I should have asked her to assist me first before the patient before me!

This was not the only time I have encountered an experience like this with her. She's totally ridiculous. Doesn't she know about time management?

Ow, gawd! I was totally pissed off!

He's the man

I just had my energy to write a new entry.

But the truth is, I’m having a slight fever, cough, and runny nose this new Year’s eve. I’m wearing socks, jogging pants, shirt, and jacket for I feel very, very cold even the temperature is just moderate. Alas!

Okay, here’s the main story; Last, December 28, 2010, My mom, my sister and I went to the salon to have our hair spa treatment. It’s either a gay or a woman who usually gives service to me. I was just surprised when a man, a real straight, cute, hunky man approached me and said he’ll be the one who will service me that afternoon. I can’t believe it! I blushed obviously and tried to make myself relax.

Every time he’ll apply chemicals onto my hairs I always feel ticklish, sometimes I giggle secretly because it’s so cute and he’s so cute. And then goes on.

I get turned off when he’s already blow drying my hair and the device was very near my scalp and I felt hurt when the heat strikes to it. I tried to keep my head away from the blower but he is still making it closer to it. Since I can’t tolerate it anymore, I finally said, “Ouch! you’re burning my scalp! Please try to distance it farther!”

He frowned.

La! Happy new year everyone!

why am i like this 4.0

I did something wrong in school today and I'm regretting it.

I felt hurt, who doesn't?

Its another thing I must keep in mind.

Not to mention, it's the first day of the month. Will this happen to me the whole month? I hope not for I don't want to walk on a path full of wrong doings. I'm so sorry, really am I.

(sigh)

Good luck for the next days

Stupid PLDT!

… Because of you, I wasn’t able to use the computer for a week, for there is no internet. I can’t update my facebook, upload photos, and visit my blog to post something new.

I’m not a delinquent payer for you to cut-off the line!!! You said you were just upgrading, you should have give us some “notice” that you are having some technical problem so we won’t get upset with your wrong doing!

Idiota!

The continuation

“In every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”- The Law of Interaction.

I thought being happy from the mass will make you happy throughout the day. I was wrong. That’s the time when I believed the saying above.

This is the continuation from my previous post that is dated also today.

(Sigh)

You see, I don’t want to mention his name anymore since I’ve been mentioning him here in my blog over and over.

The whole family, with him, in a restaurant, was talking about this teenage mom who always awake until the middle of the night to take care of her baby. I pity her most of the time.

Then this guy asked, “How long is she and her fiancé together?” I said that they were a year and so.

“You know what; eventually they will separate after 4 years. Their emotions will change because of … (blah, blah, blah, I don’t want to here another shit) …. You will learn that when you’re in college. I believe that will be tackled in biology class.”

Since before, I never like him talking to me about relationships. He’s been very bitter about that and HE SUCKS so much when he tells me something, anything about that! He scares me, he’s starting to influence me little by little, that there will be nothing sweet and fruitful of having a relationship.

He’s been like that because of his past relationship with other girls. They left him and broke his heart.

Me, I’m only 16, young and very excited to have a boyfriend when the time comes and my parents let me have one ( I obey their rules, I’m such a goodie). Maybe I’m very imaginative about what I like to happen when I have a boyfriend or a husband, or my own family (that’s what usually teenagers are). And I know that life isn’t perfect, but I believe if I wait for the right time, right place, and the right man for me, only death will put us apart, especially when you include that in your prayers before you sleep that there will be a someday when there will be a man that you’ll meet that can love you with all his heart and that will never fade away whatever struggles comes in both of your lives. In the end you both will still be together. It can happen, since there are many couples around the world who have been like that.

I hate what he’s inserting in my memory; He’s making things a nightmare! He said that most of the relationship will last for 4 years. What if I finally have a husband who I love so much, but because of what he said to me, I will always think negative to my husband “he might have an affair with her or “he’s like these and like that”, “Oh no we’re almost 4 years, he’s love for me will soon be expired!”

And because I’m single and he’s starting to make me traumatic, In the future I might not have a husband because starting from this point I’m already afraid of having a boyfriend.

I hope he realize that not because he’s a graduate of psychology and also loved so many times, and many time that they broke his heart, He will start to be a bitter man, a woman hater!

He always bases every thing scientifically! Sometimes I want to answer him back and tell him that sometimes we have to forget about science. That what happened to him from the past is his destiny not to end up with her because there is someone better for him that God prepared. Sometimes it’s not all psychology things to find the reasons why some couples broke up. He lacks faith in God, In God and with God, things happen differently, things might happen in a better way and I wanted him to realize that, but I can’t find the exact words to slap that in his face.

Will you, on your own, let yourself to have a 4 years life span relationship with the person who you are with today? No right, because it is how you treat each other and how you approach each other that makes your relationship longer.

Ohhh,, what do I know?? I’m just kid, I’m just a kid who has no experience about this kind of relationship.

Do you get my point? I know to myself that I didn’t express it well to catch your attention or feel the way I am feeling right now, but as I am typing this post, tears were running down to my cheeks. Tears were running down because I am in love with this bitter man!

My morning was okay, it turned opposite in the evening.

self loathing

I was Charles Dickens in another life.

Or, maybe I wasn't him. Maybe I was that crazy lady in Great Expectations.

What was her name? Havingham? Haversham?

Havisham.

(I googled it.)

Remember her? The nutcase who stopped the clocks in her house to the exact moment of her betrayal at the alter and who never took off her wedding dress and lived in her rotting mansion with her crazy adopted daughter?

Is that me? Or, future me?

So, maybe I'm not the crazy spinster but I know something about Great Expectations. I am the queen of creating Great Expectations.

Always, always setting up expectations. Thinking things like "oh, this will be wonderful" or "oh, this is the person I will marry" or "oh, I am going to publish my book" or "oh, this moment will be the moment of all moments and I will always remember this impending moment."

And then it doesn't happen that way.

I spiral.

And it sucks because I wish I could just have a bad day and leave it at that. Why can't I just have a bad day? Why are bad days always accompanied by fear that the depression will creep back into my life? I am once again thinking things like "Do I need meds?" or "Can I beat this with theraphy?" and "Maybe if I stopped eating junk food, I'd feel better," and "I wish I could feel like my life is not out of my control."

Spiral down.

It starts with a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a burning in my eyes. Anything to keep from crying.

Don't happy people have bad days when all they do is cry?

I don't know who I am sometimes, but I am not the famed English author and I am not a crazy spinster and I am not a boy with a stupid name and I am not a convict. But I know a little something about Great Expectations.

Physics 101

I don't know if I hate the subject or the teacher itself. I find it so harsh to deal with his paper works and more from his subject!

First, he said that every Sunday we must watch 'Matang Lawin' or 'Kap's Amazing Stories' and make a reaction paper out of it. I feel so bad about that stupid homework! Why? Matang Lawin starts at 9am and Kap's at 8pm. But the family leaves the house around 6am and comes home at 9pm. How will I watch the program now? And where's the break? didn't he know that SUNDAY IS FAMILY DAY? If he doesn't leave the house, well, don't make us too.

There's no enjoyment in life when I have to do that all the time. I'm gonna be locked up at home for the rest of this school year. Saturday can't be available for Family day because it's still a working day for us.

lastly, he got mad with us the previous day because of my annoying classmates. He said that from now on we'll have quiz first before we discuss the lesson. And he said that it will be effective FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR!

arrrggghhh.... !

Wouldn't you love to be a back-up dancer for...Kermit the Frog?

Oh I would. And then maybe I'd be destined for Broadway, too.

So here's my beef lately.
I've been hearing terrible things and it has, interestingly enough, come into a whole bunch of conversations lately: the rumor that my home-boy is now the VEGGIE monster?! ...um. EXCUSE ME?!

So I decided to do a little mythbuster-ing and it was a relief to see this:

Fun Facts About Cookie Monster
Description : Cookie lover

Birthday : November 2
Fur Color : Blue
Likes : Eating crunchy fruits, vegetables, and, of course, cookies!
Favorite Food : Cookies, cookies, and more cookies

So: The title remains true. However - likes eating crunchy fruits and vegetables? I'm sorry, when's the last time you knew a cookie-obsessed child who willingly listed "eating crunchy fruits and vegetables" as a "like." I'm just sayin...

And so the myth is busted - kind of. He's still the cookie monster of my childhood, though i don't really agree with his shift in nutritional ethics. Ho hum.

What Sepak Takraw did to me

It was PE class. We went to our school's court to play any sports we wanted.

Mervin, Kent and I played Sepak Takraw.

I felt so arrogant because I'm good in playing that sport. I can serve, receive and do other techniques! I acted like a boy (since 5% of the ladies in school can only play that).

Suddenly ..................




The wooden ball hit my upper lip!


Ouch, it hurts! It was bleeding! It popped and hurts more than when I bit my lips before!

Luckily(gasp), It was only them two who saw me ------and those 60 junior students (starting to low voice and reddened)---- and those other students at the court and at the second floor!

Gosh! It was so embarrassing!

I will never play Sepak in public again!


Another lessoned learned :D

The "Me" Thing

A LESSON EVERYONE MUST LEARN

I'm apologizing to my father in advance for saying something about a matter I can't directly tell him (if ever you're reading). And to mom because I am not choosing what to post and I am posting a problem that should be kept only in our family, which the whole world can read it.

But I feel safe to blog this since I only have 11 followers and I think it is rare for someone to visit this page anyway.

I am now a teen, close to being an adult. My brain is functioning well so I get to know what is right from wrong. Nobody has to force me or no one brain washed me to say these things in front of my monitor. I just want the people to respect my opinion. I'll also try to be polite as much as possible to share with you my dilemma.

Whenever there is a problem that I am posting in here, that's because I WANT SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE. But I don't like people getting mad at me.

What am I talking about?

Lately, I am not liking a situation about my family. . .

Ok, Let's get it straight. Dad works abroad to support our financial needs. And when I say 'our' it ONLY INCLUDES his kids (that's us), and what his kids need. And I am not expecting other people, even his relatives.

Why am I saying this? I don't want to sound selfish but he has to stop sending money, packages and etc. to his relatives. They are not learning to work hard to get what they want ON THEIR OWN. It is us, especially me, who loses something when the time we need it (Like Money).

I always have to do things in a hard way just to get what I WANT. To understand how hard to get it, to know what obstacles I have to face. Just like how dad is doing to send us what we NEED. He gets tired, and he has to be away from us just to support us.

('Wants' and 'Needs' are totally different. Try to understand and you'll get what I mean.)

My question is, my father's siblings are not babies anymore. they have their own husbands and wives, some work abroad too for the sake of their family's needs. But why won't they just ask from them? What's the use of working abroad but still they have to ask some from dad (more money, send me this, send me that!)?

Pamilya ng pamilya ginugulo sa panghihingi ng mga bagay bagay na dapat sila ang nagsusumikap na mapundar!

When the fact me, his own daughter never asks too much like they do. Kami kasi ang nawawalan. Yung dapat sa amin ay napupunta sa inyo. Hindi nga ako tumatawag lagi sa ama ko para manghingi lang ng ganito ganyan na hindi naman talaga kinakailangan pa. Ako pinagsusumikapan ko muna yung mga naisin ko. Kayo na mas matanda and capable na magtrabaho hindi niyo pa magawa. Sino nagugulo? Kami!


It is not bad to give something to them if they need help. But giving them all the time, I don't think that is right anymore. And, what are they giving back in return? I guess that would be nothing. NOTHING AT ALL!

Mahirap mabuhay ngayon, kaming mga anak niya nakikipagtulungan sa sitwasyon ngayon. Kung ano ang meron yun ang pinagtatiyagaan. Pero bakit napaka-unfair?! kung sino pa ang HINDI MGA ANAK, sila pa ang mas masahol manghingi!


I feel so disappointed. It's like we're not my father's priority, but them. Kaya si dad din ang nahihirapan.

Parang nababalewala nalang yung mga sinusukli ko sa pagbibigay ni daddy ng kailanagn namin. Nababalewala lang yung pagsisikap ko makakuha ng matataas na marka sa paaralan, hindi magkaroon ng hindi magandang record sa school, magtiis na hindi gastusin ang pera na natabi ko sa mga hindi mahahalagang bagay, sa pagsunod sa mga utos, at sa pagiging mabuti at responsableng anak dahil sila hindi na nila kelangan gawin yung mga ginagawa ko para makahingi sila.

Pinapahirapan ko pa sarili ko na maging RESPONSABLE NA ANAK. Sana matagal ko narin ginagawa ang gingawa nila. Kung siguro naging ganun ako malamang hindi ako yung taong nagsisikap pa mag-aral!

I have noticed this before when I was 10 or 12 years old. I just couldn't speak because I am scared before, scared being scolded, grounded, or lose anything that I have. But why should I be scared now if what I AM FIGHTING FOR IS CORRECT!

This has to change! I AM ENTERING IN COLLEGE AND DAD IS GETTING OLDER. WE NEED MORE SAVINGS FOR OUR FUTURE NEEDS. AND DAD WILL NEVER WORK FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE TO CONTINUE GIVING TOO MUCH FROM HIS SIDE.

I am not saying this to step on them. I'm being matured enough. And I have the right.

I DIDN'T ASK TOO MUCH BEFORE BECAUSE I AM JUST STARTING NOW! I NEED IT TO FINISH COLLEGE. THERE'S A LOT OF EXPENSES TO PAY, FOR ME TO GRADUATE. I ALSO WANT DAD TO BE PROUD OF ME ONE DAY THAT I FINALLY FINISHED STUDYING AND I CAN GET MY OWN JOB TO HELP. TO BUY EVERYTHING I WANTED WITHOUT ASKING MONEY FROM HIM.

To finish college is one of my biggest dream in life. Kahit yun lang ang matupad masaya na ako. marami na kasi ako magaagwa pag nakatapos.





I am so sorry. I wasn't able to be polite as possible.

Please don't get me wrong and I hope you have an open mind to understand very well what I am trying to say. It's really hard to keep it to myself when my heart is going to explode!

IF THIS CONTINUES, I'M REALLY GOING TO REBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I'm sorry.

A Disaster

My first and second day for examination was suspended. A typhoon entered our country. It was named "Basyang". We were not able to have electricity for 2 days and 3 nights since Tuesday. The wind was so strong too. Many roofs have been damaged in our places. Trees fell down and cable wires were everywhere. My cellphone had been trained. So NO CALLS, MSGS, REFRIGERATOR, TV, and especially, INTERNET!

The school decided to move the exams next Monday and Tuesday (The third day was held this Friday).

Our constructing site was one of the damaged houses. At least it wasn't bad, not entirely.

So here are some photos.








Since there's no electricity, me and mom decided to get out of the house and have some thing to eat.

Good thing, the weather became normal again.

Thank God, no one was hurt.

EVEN HERE?!

THIS IS TOO MUCH! ALL MY HATERS REALLY TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE MY DAY BAD! WELL I'M STARTING A LITTLE (you had your little achievement!). NOT ONLY AT FORMSPRING BUT ALSO HERE ON MY BLOG. THOSE PEOPLE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM ANYMORE. THEY ARE SO BULLY! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS TO ME. I THOUGHT WHEN I'M AWAY FROM SCHOOL I'LL HAVE MY PEACE OF MIND. BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE OPPOSITE! MY GOODNESS!

I REALLY DON'T KNOW! CAN'T THEY JUST IGNORE ME LIKE THE WAY I DO TO THEM?

IF I HAD THIS ATTITUDE PROBLEM THEN WHY CAN'T THEY SAY THAT TO ME PERSONALLY? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SEND ANONYMOUSLY TO SAY EVERYTHING THEY WANT?

FIRST, I NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM. IF THERE'S SOMETHING, WHY CAN'T THEY REPORT THAT TO ME?

SECOND, I NEVER SPREAD A RUMOR ABOUT THEM, BUT THEY DID ABOUT ME!

THIRD, THEY KEEP ON NOTICING ME, EVEN THOSE LITTLE THINGS LIKE WHEN I LAUGH, OR THE HEADBAND I AM WEARING ETC.. DO YOU GET MY POINT?

I ALWAYS BACK AWAY SO THERE WILL BE NO BIGGER ISSUES, BUT THEY WON'T REALLY STOP! THE ONLY WAY HOW I CAN EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS ARE THROUGH THIS BLOG THAT I ONLY HAVE AND MY TWO REAL FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL.

geezes! GOOD THING I'M MATURED ENOUGH TO THINK THAT NOT EVERYONE HATES ME! MY HATERS ARE ALL FROM MY SCHOOL ONLY. BUT WHEN I GO TO OTHER PLACES, PEOPLE DON'T HATE ME ANYMORE. REALLY AT SCHOOL ONLY! I SWEAR.

I HOPE WHEN I REACH COLLEGE, I WON'T SEE THEIR FACES ANYMORE. I'M HOPING. HOPE IS WHAT I ONLY HAVE RIGHT NOW. IT WILL BE MY LAST YEAR IN THAT SCHOOL, AND I HOPE THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR A THEIR OWN REMEMBRANCE

I'M NOT CRYING.