I'm a cry baby :'(

Early this afternoon we were doing some pyramids. Officially, I am the flyer and I have my very strong and beautiful base and a back spotter. As we were practicing different stunts, I couldn’t help but to hurt them, hit them in the face or kick their heads as I land onto their arms. I can sense the pain they were feeling even though they keep telling me that they were fine, but actually they were not. I felt apologetic and dreadful at the same time. I started blaming myself for the fault happened (but I just kept it in my head), because I knew that I need to master more the stunts I am doing.  I haven’t done these before and this was my only opportunity to learn them in order to stay where I am placed right now.

I really want to cry that moment because I was already causing them so many burdens, but I tried to holdback my tears as long as I could so they wouldn’t notice. I want them to know that I am still determined and willing to do better for the team despite of the errors done.

Eventually, when we were doing the ‘twist’, I was able to land perfectly several times without hurting them physically! Finally! Finally! we were able to make it! I suddenly burst down in tears for the joy I felt! And that feeling was beyond words! My company was starting to cry as well. They must have felt the same way too.  I was so glad that I finally did right before the training session ended.

I am so thankful to God for this magnificent day!

It's easy to express something when you start your blog entry with:

• Sometimes...
• There are people...
• In my experience...
• Why would it be...
• In so many opportunities...

And so many more. 

Since blogging is not for academic writing, it's okay to be informal most of the time.

Try it!

Are you going to read this? If not, I don’t mind

I always tell myself to be true. Anything that appears in my mind and whatever I feel with so many comings and goings in my life I always blog it.

If I’m away from the computer, I write in on a scratch paper. To be honest with you, I get so pressured when other people tell me that my writing is good. And that’s really something. But who will really stay reading are my real friends and the people who love my blog.

That’s why when I get to read other’s blog I was never against with anything they post. Like me, they also have their own opinions, beliefs and events happening in their life. They are just being real and expressing their emotions. We just need to understand them. That’s what makes me appreciate different people, get inspired, learn from them and get ideas to post something on my blog (and sometimes even for my assignments, haha! like from Sir John Marine’s blog).


I salute every blogger in this world. They contribute a lot of help and knowledge to other people. They might sound harsh or not, but let’s face it we still get something out from them.


As long as we don’t step on other people and we know our limitations, everything will be fine.

It's been raining...

... and all classes were suspended
... the houses are quiet
... some kids are bored
... some are having their sleep
... some just watching tv
... no one wants to play with the rain,
... but many want to see the sun
... and enjoy outside to have fun
... like me, I want to go out
... to break free,
... to feel the warmth,
... to run and chase the butterflies,
... to be young again
... to be alive,
... but I could no longer be
... for there are lots of responsibilities
... even I'm just stuck here.

Officially back!

At last! I finally had the time to open my blog and post something new. It’s been 3 weeks (I guess?) that this was in silent. The last time I blogged here was when I received my certificate from a baking class and reminding you how many more days before my birthday.

4 days before my birthday, people inside the house were so busy preparing everything for the party, from the house, the foods, drinks and etc. It was even raining so hard that time and I was already feeling something not so good about it. We even received frequent brown- out due to the heavy rains pouring. When it was already the day of my birthday, I was expecting many visitors to come because many said they will attend my birthday party. Then, I was disappointed. Few only came because of the stupid weather! I knew this was happening! I was really annoyed because the people who I was expecting the most didn’t come. And honestly, I was so sad and told myself that it was the worst party ever! But good thing I looked at the bright side, Janred came, and he is one of the important people in my life, my girlfriends also remembered me, and so as the guy I’ve been crushing for a long time, eventually, I find calmness in my sorrowing heart.

After the birthday party and everything that happened, I cleaned the whole house again, washed piles of plates and arranged the furniture. Now it was the time to prepare everything for my new school.

Another disappointment came to my life when I wasn’t able to qualify to enroll in my dream school, ADMU, when I received an e-mail from their office. I started holding back tears because my cousin and my mom were around and I don’t want them to see me crying. What happened to my birthday and the news I received made me so down! A failure! I felt like my life was in ruin. I have no other choice but to enter MIRIAM COLLEGE, an exclusive school for girls. I never wanted to enroll there but I have no choice and the deadline of requirements needed was near. If I didn’t abruptly make a move, they might not accept me and not be able to enter any school at all. So, I guess, that is where I really belong. I have no other choice but to accept the outcome of my life.

After I successfully passed all the needed requirements, I was now enrolled in that school. I wasn’t feeling so happy at all. I started attending psychological exam and orientations from those said schedules. And you know what sucks? My dream school is just beside my present school and every time I’ll pass by I can feel that I am so hurt, I even question myself, “Am I really an imbecile?”

I’m trying to move on by searching things what my present school has that my dream school doesn’t have. But whatever I see around the campus, still ADMU is far better.
I guess I just started loving my present school when I listened to the last orientation that they held last June 7. It was convincing, and little, I’m starting to be proud that I am now a MARYKNOLLER. They even prepared different presentations from different clubs and organizations they have and they really amused me.

The following day, June 8, was my first day in school and my first time to be in college. I felt just fine traveling there and meeting my blockmates and making new set of friends. And until present I’m gaining more academically and socially.

Spelling Demons

How can you tell a spelling demon? 

They're the words that look wrong even when they're right. I know you can spell all right because it's the opposite of all wrong. Maybe you were lucky enough to learn that a lot is two words, rarefyhas that pesky e, and sacrilegious has a whole lot of letters.

There are still tons of words lying (laying?) in wait for you.

 Here are 10 common spelling demons that have no doubt been deviling you for years:

1. traveler. The British spell it with two l's, but Americans don't double-up, except in accented syllables (such as controlled, referral, propeller).
2. coolly. Here, you're just adding the suffix to the root. (I know it still looks funny. But it's right. Trust me.)
3. embarrass. Two r's and two s's. But then again, we have harass.
4. unparalleled. Memorize this sucker. There's no other way around it.
5. nickel. Is there any justice in the world?
6. glamour. We can deal with this … but what about glamorous?
7. resuscitate. That's why people learn CPR; they're too busy being heroes (not heros) to spell what they just did.
8. genealogy. Like its first cousins mineralogy and analogy, one of a few words that doesn't end with -ology.
9. pavilion. That's what we get for taking words from the French. Cotillion andvermilion also pose difficulty.
10. dysfunction. Because so many people have it, better learn how to spell it (maybe a cure is easier?).

(Giggles)

I've been mastering this for some time. And I'll make sure to myself that I will never be deviled by those words above :)

Have a great day everyone!

I am thankful now that...

I saw my name listed as one of the honor students AGAIN in our year level.

Hooray to me! I'm so happy!

I also thank God for this wonderful blessing, for guiding me, giving me strength and the knowledge to do my best to be part of this achievement.

That's not the only reason why I am so glad today. At  first quarter I made a good start, I was placed as 5th. Not bad. But when 2nd Quarter came, my rank went down, I was then placed 8th. Now, this 3rd quarter of  the school year I can't believe I came up to 4th. It's a miracle!

Well, I've always wanted this. I am so blessed, so, so blessed. I don't know what else to say. I just want to share with you my happiness, my bliss!

I made once more my parents proud! I will continue this until the very END.

So help me, God.

Countdown

I am counting those days ...

19 days to go and it will by my final examination for the last quarter of the school year. (March 7)
33 days to go and it's my graduation day! (March 25)
[Note: Saturdays and Sundays were not included in counting]

40 days to for my dad's arrival! (March 20)
110 days to go and I'm turning 17! (May 26)
[Note: Saturdays and Sundays were included in counting]

HOORAY TO ME!

The end is near

It's not about the earth that I am talking about, or my life in near death. No. Those are not what the end is all about.

It's about school ...

My high school life is near to end in less than two months (can you imagine that?), and graduation is near! I feel so excited and sad at the same time. There are many reasons why. I know some of you had experienced my feelings before, and some of you who haven't yet will also feel the same as you're on your way to college.

My classmates counted the days in the calendar and said that we only have 55 days to go before leaving our school. I don't know how to react that moment. Like I said, my emotions are mixed up. Our adviser told us too, that by March 25, 2011, we'll be having the ceremony that will happen once in a lifetime, that is-- to graduate in high school!

Now, I don't know what else to do aside from completing my requirements and passing all the academic subjects. I fell like I want to fulfill something in my high school life. I just don't know what it is.

For now, I will do my best to make it on stage and make my parents proud!

God bless us.

Idiosyncrasy

For many years no matter how I try, I somehow just can't study in the afternoon. Yes it's a big disadvantage to waste lazy afternoons away but everyone is different right =D That makes life so colourful. Everyone is special. One of a kind. Thus the title of today's post.

self loathing

I was Charles Dickens in another life.

Or, maybe I wasn't him. Maybe I was that crazy lady in Great Expectations.

What was her name? Havingham? Haversham?

Havisham.

(I googled it.)

Remember her? The nutcase who stopped the clocks in her house to the exact moment of her betrayal at the alter and who never took off her wedding dress and lived in her rotting mansion with her crazy adopted daughter?

Is that me? Or, future me?

So, maybe I'm not the crazy spinster but I know something about Great Expectations. I am the queen of creating Great Expectations.

Always, always setting up expectations. Thinking things like "oh, this will be wonderful" or "oh, this is the person I will marry" or "oh, I am going to publish my book" or "oh, this moment will be the moment of all moments and I will always remember this impending moment."

And then it doesn't happen that way.

I spiral.

And it sucks because I wish I could just have a bad day and leave it at that. Why can't I just have a bad day? Why are bad days always accompanied by fear that the depression will creep back into my life? I am once again thinking things like "Do I need meds?" or "Can I beat this with theraphy?" and "Maybe if I stopped eating junk food, I'd feel better," and "I wish I could feel like my life is not out of my control."

Spiral down.

It starts with a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a burning in my eyes. Anything to keep from crying.

Don't happy people have bad days when all they do is cry?

I don't know who I am sometimes, but I am not the famed English author and I am not a crazy spinster and I am not a boy with a stupid name and I am not a convict. But I know a little something about Great Expectations.

Feelings versus Facts

I wrote this back in 2009 to help me sort through my feelings and compare them through God's facts. I realize that we often operate on a faulty basis of feelings (which can lie) versus the truth. So I did this as an exercise ... you know ... transforming the mind. I thought, perhaps, it might be of some benefit to you

My Feelings	God’s Facts
1. Nobody loves me.	I am loved. John 13:1; 14:21; 15:13; Rom. 5:8; 8:35-39; 1 John 4:10, 16; 3:1; Rev. 3:19
2. Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me?	All things work together for good. Rom. 8:28
3. I’m good for nothing.	I am highly valued by the highest being in the universe – God. Rom. 3:24; 1 Cor. 7:23; 6:20; 1 Pet. 1:18-19 I am viewed as pure by God, a new creation. Jer. 31:34; Psa 103:12; Rom. 6:4-11; 2 Cor. 5:17-20; Eph. 4:24; Heb. 8:12
4. Why couldn’t I be … (better looking, more athletic, taller, shorter, skinnier, smarter, etc.)?	I was personally designed by God. This includes my physical characteristics, my parentage, and my circumstances. Job 10:10-11; Psa. 139:13-16; 119:73
5. He/she made me angry (any feeling that is admittedly wrong).	Each of us is responsible for our own responses. James 1:14
6. I don’t have any skills (abilities to contribute to my world).	To each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 1 Cor. 12:7, 16, 22, 23
7. I’m a loser, a failure.	I am a conqueror. Rom. 8:37 I have the power for all things I must do. Phil. 4:13

Now, keep in mind, for this to be most effective for you, you will have to do the work yourself. You will have to fill in the "My Feelings" column with your own feelings and the "God's Facts" column with the truth about what you're feeling. Maybe, just maybe, you will find that it is helpful for you as it was for me.

Who is Jesus?

Meet Jesus. He visits often and speaks to me. Sometimes I don't fully understand what he's saying, but that's my problem, not his. He's friendly, caring, and hard-working. He's my neighbor's Latino gardener.

Yeah, that's not quite right, is it? It's just a bit of humor. But when we start really asking the question, "Who is Jesus?", we can start to run into real problems if we're not careful.

Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Son of God, one of God's spirit children. He is brother to Lucifer, the brother who went bad. God, of course, is one of innumerable Gods, and it is only natural that He would have multiple children, including Jesus. Jesus's death on the cross was not sufficient to actually save completely, but His ultimate goal is to save us through that death and our good works so that we, too, can become gods by our own right. Now, I realize that this is not in accordance with everything you find in your Bible, but that's because your Bible has been influenced over the centuries to stray from the truth, so obviously this truth about who Jesus is will not align with the errors in your Bible. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Mormons are not saved?

Who is Jesus? Jesus is a man born over 2,000 years ago. He is the best man ever born. He is not only the son of God; he is a god himself. Now, be careful with that, because he also identified himself as the son of Man. The conclusion that he was God's son was not his own; other people said it. Some have claimed that he was God Himself, but that isn't true. He prayed to God, so he cannot be God and pray to God. He is at the right hand of God, so clearly he cannot be God. In John 1 it identifies him as "the Word" and says he was with God, so He can't be God. When the rich young ruler referred to him as "good", he denied that he was God by saying, "Only God is good." No, no, he was not God in the sense of "God Almighty". He was a god in the sense like Satan is called "the god of this world" or powerful people were referred to as "gods". Jesus was the best man ever born, a powerful man, blessed by God, and a god in that sense. We hold that salvation is possible only through Christ’s ransom sacrifice along with repentance and good works in the name of Jehovah. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Jehovah's Witnesses are not saved?

Who is Jesus? Jesus came to show us the way. He is our savior. He is the spiritual God who took on human flesh to show us true Christ Consciousness. Through this consciousness we are saved. Now, we know that you have this quaint story about Him "dying on the cross" and all, but since Jesus was actually God in the flesh, He couldn't actually die, now, could He? He simply released Himself from the lie of "death" as He did from the lie of sickness and all other sin-based errors. He didn't "die on the cross" to "pay for your sin" because sin is simply a false understanding of the Divine Mind (which Jesus came to correct) and doesn't actually exist. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Christian Scientists are not saved?

I could go on, but perhaps you're getting the point. It's actually fairly easy to say, "We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation." It's fairly easy to even mean it wholeheartedly. And it's pretty easy to then claim "We believe what you believe; we're saved by grace through faith in Christ!" Of course, if you try to start asking questions like "What do you mean by 'grace'?" or "How would you define 'faith'?" or "Who is Jesus to you?" ... well, now you're just being narrow-minded and judgmental! In fact, you're probably one of those pharisaical fundies, aren't you? So, really, what makes you think you'resaved, you're so smart?!

que sera, sera

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother,
what would I be?

Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she FORGOT to say to me:

Pay your bills, your bills!
There's never enough money.
The future is debt, you see.
Pay your bills, your bills!