I'm a cry baby :'(

Early this afternoon we were doing some pyramids. Officially, I am the flyer and I have my very strong and beautiful base and a back spotter. As we were practicing different stunts, I couldn’t help but to hurt them, hit them in the face or kick their heads as I land onto their arms. I can sense the pain they were feeling even though they keep telling me that they were fine, but actually they were not. I felt apologetic and dreadful at the same time. I started blaming myself for the fault happened (but I just kept it in my head), because I knew that I need to master more the stunts I am doing.  I haven’t done these before and this was my only opportunity to learn them in order to stay where I am placed right now.

I really want to cry that moment because I was already causing them so many burdens, but I tried to holdback my tears as long as I could so they wouldn’t notice. I want them to know that I am still determined and willing to do better for the team despite of the errors done.

Eventually, when we were doing the ‘twist’, I was able to land perfectly several times without hurting them physically! Finally! Finally! we were able to make it! I suddenly burst down in tears for the joy I felt! And that feeling was beyond words! My company was starting to cry as well. They must have felt the same way too.  I was so glad that I finally did right before the training session ended.

I am so thankful to God for this magnificent day!

Howlee Sheet!

For the first time in my college life, I was marked late in my 7:30am class today, which is Humanities. It sucks! Now I won't be able to have a perfect record in my attendance sheet. Why did this happen when the semester is almost over? Alas!

The story starts like this.

Whenever I have a 7:30 am class I am supposed to wake up at 4:30 and leave the house around 5:45 in the morning. But today was something devastating! I didn't hear my phone alarmed! or my phone didn't alarm? Whatever. I am still late, and I hate to remember it! I already woke up 6 in the morning! And maybe I will be waking up later than that if my mom didn't come inside the room to ask me to print the contract that was saved on my laptop.

"Howlee sheet!!!" were the first words I said this morning and I felt bad about it.

I rushed myself to take a bath and left the house without eating my breakfast. I did that all for half an hour!

I know by that time that it's already traffic on highways and it's impossible to get a ride going to school. My emotions were mixed up. I don't know if I should stay positive or release the madness feeling inside me.

Finally, I made it to the class! I arrived there at 7:50am, but my professor already checked the attendance and I was already marked late!

Shoot!

Are you going to read this? If not, I don’t mind

I always tell myself to be true. Anything that appears in my mind and whatever I feel with so many comings and goings in my life I always blog it.

If I’m away from the computer, I write in on a scratch paper. To be honest with you, I get so pressured when other people tell me that my writing is good. And that’s really something. But who will really stay reading are my real friends and the people who love my blog.

That’s why when I get to read other’s blog I was never against with anything they post. Like me, they also have their own opinions, beliefs and events happening in their life. They are just being real and expressing their emotions. We just need to understand them. That’s what makes me appreciate different people, get inspired, learn from them and get ideas to post something on my blog (and sometimes even for my assignments, haha! like from Sir John Marine’s blog).


I salute every blogger in this world. They contribute a lot of help and knowledge to other people. They might sound harsh or not, but let’s face it we still get something out from them.


As long as we don’t step on other people and we know our limitations, everything will be fine.

Exclusive: Chapter 1 SPY PRINCESS

(I want to share with you the first chapter of the novel I wrote. If you find it interesting, just e-mail me for the whole story.)

Rita! No!”

A bullet, it shot straight perfectly into my heart. I felt it right away. I can see blood dripping out from my chest. The only reaction I could make is to be disconcerted. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to touch the surface where I was gunshot but I don’t have the strength to move. I lost every single of it in an instance. I can see how slowly I am falling down on the floor. I am inside a burning warehouse with no other people to help except the guy running towards me.

Who is he?

His features, they were all a blur. I cannot identify who that guy is. I cannot make any description out of him because all I can see now is darkness. I cannot open my eyes anymore. All I can hear is his screaming voice.  I can’t even remember how I was able to be here at the first place.

“Rita! You must not die! Rita, I love you!” He embraced me tightly in his arms crying for what just happened to me. Blood stains started covering our clothes. He was shouting on top of his voice full of emotions. He won’t stop screaming for my name. I want to answer him back and question him, but I’m too weak. I cannot make any response, nor move my body to react. He is shaking my body to wake me up. But I no longer breathe anymore. This must be my end. I am dead.  He has witnessed my agonizing death!

But wait, my name is not ‘Rita’!  No one has ever called me that way in my entire life! And yet, the person I am seeing is exactly me. We look perfectly the same. We have the same hair length and color.  Mine is a wavy brunette and the length reaches my shoulder, and so does she. Both of us have deep dark eyes, long lashed, pointed nose, our skin is lighter than tan, our body is curvy, and the normal weight and the fair height are very similar. We both look more Asian than European. I have no doubts she is me.

My heart started to beat faster, starting to worry, starting to find escape and undo what just happened to me, then all of the sudden my worries faded when I realized it was only just a dream.

I sat at the edge of my bed and searched for my alarm clock that is always placed at my bed stand. With no light inside my room, except from the lights outside the house, I can read from the clock that it was only 4 in the morning. I tried to go back to sleep but I can’t have it anymore so I decided to just leave my room and get a glass of water. I headed to the kitchen. It is always a long walk before you can get there. This house is huge. Well, what else can I expect? I’m living in a palace. I’ve been here since my mother gave birth to me and that makes me get used to all the routes inside this house no matter how far or near they are.

As I enter the kitchen, I looked for a glass and filled it with water coming from a dispenser. I never like drinking it cold that’s why I didn’t get from the refrigerator. There’s a big built-in table at the center of the kitchen. I placed the glass there and sat on a stool. I gulp some water, and then placed it back at the table leaving it half empty.

I abruptly stare blankly at the glass, recalling the dream I just had. I am now confused. Why on earth will someone call me ‘Rita’ while my only name is Erinarra Vasilliz Giovinazzo.  If there will be a change in addressing my name that will be your highness, your majesty or princess because for my entire nation knows I came from a royal family. We are very well- known in our county. My father is a king and currently ruling Germany. My three older brothers do also address me in a different name, but not the one I had in my dream. They call me ‘Erina’.

“Why are you awake this very early in the morning?” My mom appeared at the entrance of the kitchen turning the lights on.

“You surprised me there, mom. I came here to get something to drink. I was thirsty. That’s all.” I answered her delightfully.

She came near and sat beside me giving me a warm hug. She’s always like this. She’s very loving and she gives tender care. And I love her this way. Maybe this is the reason why dad chosen to marry her even she’s just an ordinary citizen rather another royalty.

“I got something to tell you, my dear.” Mom looked at me straight in the eyes with all focus. “Since you are already awake maybe you should know that in 2 days you’ll be leaving this country.” She added more confusion to me. “I don’t understand, mom. Why would I leave this country? Where am I going? How long will I be there?” I lift the glass and finish the remaining amount of water.

“You’ll be having a stay in my own country for some while, where your father met me. You’ll be with your uncle Fox, my brother, together with his sons in one house.” That’s it. She is an Asian. That’s where I got most of my looks from her. She was glad informing me about leaving Germany. “You mean, in the Philippines? I don’t know much of our relatives in your side. What if—“. Before I can continue my statement, Mom interrupted, “They are good people.  They are very generous and kind. You’ll be fine there. And isn’t it nice to know them. This is the best opportunity.”

“Why? Am I leaving with my brothers too?”  I have plenty more questions wanting to ask my mother. “It would be only you. My brother wants to see you and show you the place where we grew up. To be honest, I was surprised knowing that he wants see you. Maybe he has good reasons. Since it’s your vacation from schooling your father agreed with this. He wants you to enjoy and explore around a different place than doing adult duties.”

“Why am I not going with my brothers or with you?” I asked flatly.

“Your brothers are busy learning to be the next rulers and I have to comfort your father. And besides, Filipinos are really hospitable and friendly.” After mom’s last responds, she stood up and gave me a kiss on my forehead and walk away. I kept my mouth open. I was totally astonished about the news.

Reformation

Lately, I’ve been going to the wrong direction and thinking in a wrong way.  I lost focus of what I always love to do and that is---- to BLOG.  To make some clarifications I asked myself,

“What’s wrong, Erica? What makes you down? How will you be successful if you’re always like this? What are the possible ways to put you on full strength again? Where is the eagerness you used to put in yourself to reach that goal? You need to answer these questions right here, right now. Don’t waste time. Come on! You used to repeat the phrase make use of my time again and again in your mind. But what are you doing? You’re just sitting there and looking at nowhere. Isn’t this the right time to use it? ”.

Don’t get me wrong, but I really talk to myself often.

Remember my last post before this? You can read it back if you want so you can understand clearly what I am talking about.

If you just know, Blogging is a big deal for me, earlier as now I am practicing myself for bigger purposes. I am putting myself to the test, to ready myself to make my career successful in the future, and this is a perfect way to start. I always wanted to be a WRITER. I love writing; I always have abundant imaginations and can make them out of a story.

I often picture myself holding a book in front of the Medias throwing questions of how I made it, that the book I have created is now a bestselling not only in my continent, but also worldwide. That my name is very famous and is always seen in magazines and newspapers, and paparazzi are everywhere to snap photos of me for their own article, and they might also put it in their blogs too. And that I’m well- known by people just like how Ophra Winfrey is right now, and so as Bill Gates, and the others.

Doesn’t it feel good to be true? I want these things to happen, I really do.

But in every big achievement it is necessary to start at the small one, because there is a saying, “In every thousand miles we start with one step”.  But how will it be as big as my imagination to make it in reality if in small areas I am not making a move?  I should stop being happy-go-lucky and should set a goal.

Just like yesterday, I know there’s something nice to blog about a grandpa and my unusual feeling of what happened that the readers will find it touching, but I didn’t post it because I’m lazy and tired. I’m tired because I’ve been doing nothing the whole day.  See? This is not good. When I get a job I can’t be like this. Do you get what I mean?

If you’re telling me that maybe I’m getting the wrong choice of career, you’re wrong. This is what I love, being in the industry of authors, editors, writers, columnists, etc. This is really the profession I wanted to take. I’m just being TOO LAZY.

And I find my courage again when a friend of mine, Mr. John Marine, had an article about blogging stuff which I find it absolutely true. He inspires many people across the world including me. And his words are very powerful and meaningful that you will get up from where you are seated and start doing what you really love that is good for you and for your career. I appreciate everything he does for me all the time.

If you want to meet him, just visit his blog here.

And this time, I’ll make it sure that I’m heading the right direction to success with God’s guidance.

Terrific Tuesday!

These previous days I have to sleep very late at night. I slept around 11PM for 4 consecutive days now.

I feel GOOD and at the same time BAD about it.

GOOD,
        because I have finished the first chapter of the story I am creating entitled SPY PRINCESS: THE RICH MAN'S SECRET. Hoping this book will be successful and publish to many who love to read. I want to share my joy with them, at the same time I want to be a great writer and a novelist.

BAD,
        because I'm having huge eyebags, and I don't like it. I lack sleep and I want to fulfill it when I'm in class. But of course, I won't do that.

(Yawn!) Lastly, I told myself I will sleep early tonight.

Good night!

Morbid Monday!

I felt mortified in front of the whole student body today. Early this morning we had our rehearsal for our field demonstration. There's a dance number that 10 selected students from each year level will be introduced and dance for that number. I wasn't chosen by my adviser because I was absent the day she had listed the students who will participate.

I felt bad because I always wanted to join the final dance of the program and now I wasn't included. This was supposed to be my final year performing in ALLS.

Not until my adviser approached me and said, "Why don't you join the final dance? Go ahead and join." My mood brighten up when she said that. But I still felt the worry that I may not be allowed to dance because the  number of the participants in the senior year will exceed. She asked others to join as well. I was so happy she lets me dance.

Then the practice started. The seniors were introduced through the microphone. The 13 of us were standing on stage. Other students from different levels were watching us as well to see the dance number. Suddenly, our directress counted us. Oh, no! I knew this will going to happen. She said she only needed 10 and the 3 other students have to back out. But i don't want to back out!

No one wants to leave and the directress was madly waiting for us. I swallowed my pride and stepped back and went down the stage.

It was such a shame!

But I have to be fair. It was my fault also because I was absent the other day when they were looking for participants.

So, I let this happened. Geez!

Good thing it was replaced by a very nice compliment from a teacher regarding my performance and my good grades in school. All the bad vibes easily gone away.

I still thank God for this.

Amen.

SEE YOU AT THE ENDING

Today, I started to create my own novel. I will post them in my second blog. I am really eager to finish my own story, and maybe in the future I can publish them.

If you are an active follower and you liked my work, please help me have more readers and followers. I just want every one of us to be happy and at the same time I can practice my writing and grammar skills.

If you want to check it out now, please click this link, and I hope you have fun reading.

Thank you for those who will support.

More power,

Erica

Church is cool!

My family and I went to the church to attend mass. I was very happy in the morning because of the priest’s story in homily. He was narrating to us a wife who just got home from church and learned something new from the priest who led the mass earlier. She approached her husband and said, “Honey, the priest said that there is no marriage in heaven, that when we die. We won’t recognize each other anymore. It’s sad to know.

The husband laughed and faced his wife, “Why yes, honey! If there is marriage in heaven, it won’t be heaven anymore.” He paused. “You know. It will look like hell.”

Everybody inside the church laughed at the story. Many agreed because their understanding would be that those wives will never stop nagging their husbands even they are already in heaven. Heaven will still be a headache for the men.

And there was another one.

One day the priest asked a male college student why he didn’t choose to be a priest like him. The guy said, if he’ll be a priest, he won’t be able to marry a woman. The priest agreed with his answer and walked away. He found another person to interview, this time it was a female. He asked her, “Why didn’t you choose to be a nun? Being one of the sisters is not hard. All you have to do is pray inside the convent. Why?”

The female answered the same question like the first one. “Simple, if I’ll be a nun I won’t be able to marry a man.”

Back to the mass, the priest we were that moment pointed to the nuns beside us and said, “So they don’t have a boyfriend, do you, sisters? Or was that a lie?”

We laughed again for the second time.

The priest said something after that but I failed to hear it. All I heard at the last was, “Don’t worry, sisters. When I die and didn’t see any good looking man in heaven I will haunt you and tell you to date one, so you can experience how it’s like to be, right? Not bad.”

For the last time, the crowd laughed again. I laughed too, because they were laughing.

We ended the masses with smiles on our faces.

Nothing says "I Love You" like...

Some guys write it in ink within a card.

Others may write it in the sand on a beach.
My friend's husband on the other hand...

Help Me!

I Don't know what to do with my STUPIDITY!!!!

... but I'm not ready to confess what I feel today here in this blog. I have to think about it a hundred times.


geeezzzz .. I'm so sucked!

Feelings versus Facts

I wrote this back in 2009 to help me sort through my feelings and compare them through God's facts. I realize that we often operate on a faulty basis of feelings (which can lie) versus the truth. So I did this as an exercise ... you know ... transforming the mind. I thought, perhaps, it might be of some benefit to you

My Feelings	God’s Facts
1. Nobody loves me.	I am loved. John 13:1; 14:21; 15:13; Rom. 5:8; 8:35-39; 1 John 4:10, 16; 3:1; Rev. 3:19
2. Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me?	All things work together for good. Rom. 8:28
3. I’m good for nothing.	I am highly valued by the highest being in the universe – God. Rom. 3:24; 1 Cor. 7:23; 6:20; 1 Pet. 1:18-19 I am viewed as pure by God, a new creation. Jer. 31:34; Psa 103:12; Rom. 6:4-11; 2 Cor. 5:17-20; Eph. 4:24; Heb. 8:12
4. Why couldn’t I be … (better looking, more athletic, taller, shorter, skinnier, smarter, etc.)?	I was personally designed by God. This includes my physical characteristics, my parentage, and my circumstances. Job 10:10-11; Psa. 139:13-16; 119:73
5. He/she made me angry (any feeling that is admittedly wrong).	Each of us is responsible for our own responses. James 1:14
6. I don’t have any skills (abilities to contribute to my world).	To each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 1 Cor. 12:7, 16, 22, 23
7. I’m a loser, a failure.	I am a conqueror. Rom. 8:37 I have the power for all things I must do. Phil. 4:13

Now, keep in mind, for this to be most effective for you, you will have to do the work yourself. You will have to fill in the "My Feelings" column with your own feelings and the "God's Facts" column with the truth about what you're feeling. Maybe, just maybe, you will find that it is helpful for you as it was for me.

Why do I feel stupid when I'm around him?

(gasp)

I have this blooper at the OPEN COLLAR. But this is not the only time that happened to me. It's almost like everyday when I am around him.

At the open collar an officer approached us and said, "When we call the family and love ones you can go near them and open their COLLARS."

That's a simple instruction, right?

Now It was the time to go near him (Mayo), I am so sure what to do. Suddenly, my mind was so mixed, like I forgot the whole thing. My excitement came over me. I'm running to go near him. Searching him in line. And there, I saw him.

Yeah, so I was near him now, So close.

I'm taking off his scarf!

He said,"no, not there. Here in front. Open one button in front, MY COLLAR."

Oh yeah, His COLLAR. Not the SCARF. Stupid!

What the heck am I doing?! Gosh, I was so embarrassed!

***

The other embarrassing moment is when he asked me if I know how to sew, and I said YES. He asked me to sew his cloth and I started sewing it in a sewing machine. I am wondering why it's not working, Then I saw the machine was unplugged! Stupid!

second was when we were at the restaurant, he wrote something in a small paper and made me read it. It says, "Can you duet with me later at the cruisin' song?". I thought it was really for me then I replied, "Sorry. My voice is very bad"

He said, "I'll give this letter to the lady at our back because she has a beautiful voice. Is my message alright?" Shoot! Another stupidity.

lastly, when we travel outside he can see me from the center mirror of the car that my mouth is open when I'm sleeping at the back! geez!

If I were him, I'm already turned off!

waaaahhh... Mommy! I wanna cry! I'm so stupid!

Overheard Conversation

There are two guys at the backseat who were not listening to our Mathematician. While staring at the blackboard, I heard their conversations. And this overheard story is kinda NASTY.

Boy 1: I have a sad story for you about a wife and her cremated husband (giggles)

Boy 2: Tell me (giggles)

B1: There's a wife who decided to cremate her husband after his death. Then she went to the seashore carrying a jar of her husband's ashes.

B2: (curious if it is really a sad story)

B1: Blowing the ashes away, the wife said. "This will be my last BLOW JOB for you."

B2: (his mind is loading and trying to figure what his friend meant)

B1: Get it?

B2: Ahh .. is that a green joke?

B1: Yes. (big joker smile on his face)

B2: I just discovered it. Haha! Very funny! (seriously laughing)

B1: LOL

B2: Well, it's a very bad joke! (but still laughing!)

hahaha. the moment I heard that story I laughed on my own too. Geez. Boys, very ------ !

erica.

Today my life is like:

g Fish.

Why?

I'll tell you.

"I just get so hungry!"

It's true.

I've been feeling this way all week.

Mostly for knowledge.

My upper-level classes are, finally, stimulating.

My life is a circus.

That cannot be denied.

I'm few months away from graduation.

The end is in sight!

And let me tell you - I'm on to bigger and better things.

I'm not ready to give up my shoes yet.

Too much to do and too many things to see.

But in 7 months I'll have this.

And i couldn't be happier.