Give me money or buy me books instead!

I haven't finished collecting all published books of Nicholas Sparks...

So as the set of Gallegher Girls by Ally Carter...

I haven't even bought hundreds of books that I listed on a sheet of paper, and now there are more good books being published lately that I also wanted to add on my list.

Sigh.

I have all the time to buy and read them, BUT... I'm not financially free yet to purchase them all! Tsk! Tsk! If only my parents own a bookstore, just look how happy I could be by just reading all the books I wanted for free! Unfortunately, that's not my reality...

Now, I just want to earn big amount of money and go straight there, to the bookstore, and buy those books I've been longing for to have! or you could buy me one ;)

That's all I have in mind tonight.

Good night!

Exclusive: Chapter 1 SPY PRINCESS

(I want to share with you the first chapter of the novel I wrote. If you find it interesting, just e-mail me for the whole story.)

Rita! No!”

A bullet, it shot straight perfectly into my heart. I felt it right away. I can see blood dripping out from my chest. The only reaction I could make is to be disconcerted. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to touch the surface where I was gunshot but I don’t have the strength to move. I lost every single of it in an instance. I can see how slowly I am falling down on the floor. I am inside a burning warehouse with no other people to help except the guy running towards me.

Who is he?

His features, they were all a blur. I cannot identify who that guy is. I cannot make any description out of him because all I can see now is darkness. I cannot open my eyes anymore. All I can hear is his screaming voice.  I can’t even remember how I was able to be here at the first place.

“Rita! You must not die! Rita, I love you!” He embraced me tightly in his arms crying for what just happened to me. Blood stains started covering our clothes. He was shouting on top of his voice full of emotions. He won’t stop screaming for my name. I want to answer him back and question him, but I’m too weak. I cannot make any response, nor move my body to react. He is shaking my body to wake me up. But I no longer breathe anymore. This must be my end. I am dead.  He has witnessed my agonizing death!

But wait, my name is not ‘Rita’!  No one has ever called me that way in my entire life! And yet, the person I am seeing is exactly me. We look perfectly the same. We have the same hair length and color.  Mine is a wavy brunette and the length reaches my shoulder, and so does she. Both of us have deep dark eyes, long lashed, pointed nose, our skin is lighter than tan, our body is curvy, and the normal weight and the fair height are very similar. We both look more Asian than European. I have no doubts she is me.

My heart started to beat faster, starting to worry, starting to find escape and undo what just happened to me, then all of the sudden my worries faded when I realized it was only just a dream.

I sat at the edge of my bed and searched for my alarm clock that is always placed at my bed stand. With no light inside my room, except from the lights outside the house, I can read from the clock that it was only 4 in the morning. I tried to go back to sleep but I can’t have it anymore so I decided to just leave my room and get a glass of water. I headed to the kitchen. It is always a long walk before you can get there. This house is huge. Well, what else can I expect? I’m living in a palace. I’ve been here since my mother gave birth to me and that makes me get used to all the routes inside this house no matter how far or near they are.

As I enter the kitchen, I looked for a glass and filled it with water coming from a dispenser. I never like drinking it cold that’s why I didn’t get from the refrigerator. There’s a big built-in table at the center of the kitchen. I placed the glass there and sat on a stool. I gulp some water, and then placed it back at the table leaving it half empty.

I abruptly stare blankly at the glass, recalling the dream I just had. I am now confused. Why on earth will someone call me ‘Rita’ while my only name is Erinarra Vasilliz Giovinazzo.  If there will be a change in addressing my name that will be your highness, your majesty or princess because for my entire nation knows I came from a royal family. We are very well- known in our county. My father is a king and currently ruling Germany. My three older brothers do also address me in a different name, but not the one I had in my dream. They call me ‘Erina’.

“Why are you awake this very early in the morning?” My mom appeared at the entrance of the kitchen turning the lights on.

“You surprised me there, mom. I came here to get something to drink. I was thirsty. That’s all.” I answered her delightfully.

She came near and sat beside me giving me a warm hug. She’s always like this. She’s very loving and she gives tender care. And I love her this way. Maybe this is the reason why dad chosen to marry her even she’s just an ordinary citizen rather another royalty.

“I got something to tell you, my dear.” Mom looked at me straight in the eyes with all focus. “Since you are already awake maybe you should know that in 2 days you’ll be leaving this country.” She added more confusion to me. “I don’t understand, mom. Why would I leave this country? Where am I going? How long will I be there?” I lift the glass and finish the remaining amount of water.

“You’ll be having a stay in my own country for some while, where your father met me. You’ll be with your uncle Fox, my brother, together with his sons in one house.” That’s it. She is an Asian. That’s where I got most of my looks from her. She was glad informing me about leaving Germany. “You mean, in the Philippines? I don’t know much of our relatives in your side. What if—“. Before I can continue my statement, Mom interrupted, “They are good people.  They are very generous and kind. You’ll be fine there. And isn’t it nice to know them. This is the best opportunity.”

“Why? Am I leaving with my brothers too?”  I have plenty more questions wanting to ask my mother. “It would be only you. My brother wants to see you and show you the place where we grew up. To be honest, I was surprised knowing that he wants see you. Maybe he has good reasons. Since it’s your vacation from schooling your father agreed with this. He wants you to enjoy and explore around a different place than doing adult duties.”

“Why am I not going with my brothers or with you?” I asked flatly.

“Your brothers are busy learning to be the next rulers and I have to comfort your father. And besides, Filipinos are really hospitable and friendly.” After mom’s last responds, she stood up and gave me a kiss on my forehead and walk away. I kept my mouth open. I was totally astonished about the news.

Reformation

Lately, I’ve been going to the wrong direction and thinking in a wrong way.  I lost focus of what I always love to do and that is---- to BLOG.  To make some clarifications I asked myself,

“What’s wrong, Erica? What makes you down? How will you be successful if you’re always like this? What are the possible ways to put you on full strength again? Where is the eagerness you used to put in yourself to reach that goal? You need to answer these questions right here, right now. Don’t waste time. Come on! You used to repeat the phrase make use of my time again and again in your mind. But what are you doing? You’re just sitting there and looking at nowhere. Isn’t this the right time to use it? ”.

Don’t get me wrong, but I really talk to myself often.

Remember my last post before this? You can read it back if you want so you can understand clearly what I am talking about.

If you just know, Blogging is a big deal for me, earlier as now I am practicing myself for bigger purposes. I am putting myself to the test, to ready myself to make my career successful in the future, and this is a perfect way to start. I always wanted to be a WRITER. I love writing; I always have abundant imaginations and can make them out of a story.

I often picture myself holding a book in front of the Medias throwing questions of how I made it, that the book I have created is now a bestselling not only in my continent, but also worldwide. That my name is very famous and is always seen in magazines and newspapers, and paparazzi are everywhere to snap photos of me for their own article, and they might also put it in their blogs too. And that I’m well- known by people just like how Ophra Winfrey is right now, and so as Bill Gates, and the others.

Doesn’t it feel good to be true? I want these things to happen, I really do.

But in every big achievement it is necessary to start at the small one, because there is a saying, “In every thousand miles we start with one step”.  But how will it be as big as my imagination to make it in reality if in small areas I am not making a move?  I should stop being happy-go-lucky and should set a goal.

Just like yesterday, I know there’s something nice to blog about a grandpa and my unusual feeling of what happened that the readers will find it touching, but I didn’t post it because I’m lazy and tired. I’m tired because I’ve been doing nothing the whole day.  See? This is not good. When I get a job I can’t be like this. Do you get what I mean?

If you’re telling me that maybe I’m getting the wrong choice of career, you’re wrong. This is what I love, being in the industry of authors, editors, writers, columnists, etc. This is really the profession I wanted to take. I’m just being TOO LAZY.

And I find my courage again when a friend of mine, Mr. John Marine, had an article about blogging stuff which I find it absolutely true. He inspires many people across the world including me. And his words are very powerful and meaningful that you will get up from where you are seated and start doing what you really love that is good for you and for your career. I appreciate everything he does for me all the time.

If you want to meet him, just visit his blog here.

And this time, I’ll make it sure that I’m heading the right direction to success with God’s guidance.

Terrific Tuesday!

These previous days I have to sleep very late at night. I slept around 11PM for 4 consecutive days now.

I feel GOOD and at the same time BAD about it.

GOOD,
        because I have finished the first chapter of the story I am creating entitled SPY PRINCESS: THE RICH MAN'S SECRET. Hoping this book will be successful and publish to many who love to read. I want to share my joy with them, at the same time I want to be a great writer and a novelist.

BAD,
        because I'm having huge eyebags, and I don't like it. I lack sleep and I want to fulfill it when I'm in class. But of course, I won't do that.

(Yawn!) Lastly, I told myself I will sleep early tonight.

Good night!

self loathing

I was Charles Dickens in another life.

Or, maybe I wasn't him. Maybe I was that crazy lady in Great Expectations.

What was her name? Havingham? Haversham?

Havisham.

(I googled it.)

Remember her? The nutcase who stopped the clocks in her house to the exact moment of her betrayal at the alter and who never took off her wedding dress and lived in her rotting mansion with her crazy adopted daughter?

Is that me? Or, future me?

So, maybe I'm not the crazy spinster but I know something about Great Expectations. I am the queen of creating Great Expectations.

Always, always setting up expectations. Thinking things like "oh, this will be wonderful" or "oh, this is the person I will marry" or "oh, I am going to publish my book" or "oh, this moment will be the moment of all moments and I will always remember this impending moment."

And then it doesn't happen that way.

I spiral.

And it sucks because I wish I could just have a bad day and leave it at that. Why can't I just have a bad day? Why are bad days always accompanied by fear that the depression will creep back into my life? I am once again thinking things like "Do I need meds?" or "Can I beat this with theraphy?" and "Maybe if I stopped eating junk food, I'd feel better," and "I wish I could feel like my life is not out of my control."

Spiral down.

It starts with a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a burning in my eyes. Anything to keep from crying.

Don't happy people have bad days when all they do is cry?

I don't know who I am sometimes, but I am not the famed English author and I am not a crazy spinster and I am not a boy with a stupid name and I am not a convict. But I know a little something about Great Expectations.

The love for Fablehaven

I'm waiting for October to come. The last series of Fablehaven is not yet out in our country, or in the bookstore I always visit. I had the four books with me already and I can't wait to complete another set.

I had a better imagination for my own DIMKA!

I am a fan of Vampire Academy novels. I almost completed the whole set of that book (the last will be released this December). I also had a crush on one of the characters in the story, he was named Dimitri Belikov (Dimka as a nickname). And this afternoon I searched at google if there's any image of the said character to have a better view of what he really looks like in reality. I turned out very disappointed. I imagined him very much stronger, great, awesome, and whatever I wanna describe him and I just can't find those words to say. The way he was described in the book was really much better than on how he looks like in what I have seen in the internet.

These photos are trash.

Anyway, in the story that I read, he's far better than Edward Cullen (twilight).

I just got nothing to do :)

Do the Physics

The Law of Gravity -- "objects with mass attract one another". Simple. We got it. Thanks.

The force of gravity is defined by Newton's formula:

F=Gm1m2/d2

In this formula, F is the force of gravity, G is a constant (the Gravitational Constant) which can be measured, m1 and m2 are the masses of the two objects in question, and d is the distance between them. And there you can see that gravity follows the inverse square law. Nice!

Okay, now the brilliant Stephen Hawking has just been quoted as saying, "Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing." Clear enough. So we have gravity (given) and we have nothing (given), so let's put it in the formula and see what we get.

F=((6.67300 × 10-11 m3 kg-1 s-2) x 0 x 0)/0. The answer? Yeah, I don't think we need a calculator to figure that out. Not so brilliant!

Ouch.

I totaled the amount of money I have inside my wallet.


Okay. I am going to tell the world.


No, I'm not.


Forget it. The blog is off.


But, if I do this, I will be even more motivated to meet my goal.


Nope, can't do it.


Shit.


I think there is only one way out of this.

I did the math.

265 pesos is all i got (plus the money i have in my atm account).

That won't worth the book I wanted to buy.

Busy Day

I've been away from home these past few days. I go with my mom everyday to the constructing site to look out for the laborers.

There is one spot in that place where I always stay to do my own business. Sometimes I read my Fablehaven book 4, listen to music, write something, or stare at those people I see.



The very energetic laborers


I am seated most of the time and barely stand to go elsewhere


This is the present look of the house

The weather was fine

We go home in the afternoon.

Whenever I each home I already feel so tired, sleepy and lazy, I don't have time anymore to check my mails, update my web status and lastly to post something new in my blog with what happened to me those days. Fortunately, I exerted effort tonight to tell and show you about it.

Goodnight (Yawn)!