Starting tonight...

I will place a pen and a notebook near my bed, so whenever I dream of something I can easily jot it down. I am planning to do this for the rest of my life, because I believe that these dreams have a message that must be interpreted to unlock something that involves my life and my relation to others, or like what my professor mentioned in my psychology class, these might somehow become true in reality. If there is an instance that one of these came true and I saw it written on my notebook, that's when I will advice you to do the same thing too!

And I bet this will be fun!

Have a nice day!

Hi, Jake!

I wish I was your leading lady in all your movies, but that's quite impossible, so I just wish to meet someone who has the attitude that you portrayed in the movie 'Prince of Persia', and be his one and only leading lady. I would be so glad of having that person in my life.

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Sigh.. I really can't stop day dreaming today. He's just so adorable and irresistible. I was struck again when I watched his movies last night. But behind those, there's this guy I really can't stop thinking about every day and night. I believe he's aware of my feelings. Maybe I'm like this lately because I want to see him face to face (again) and have that long conversation about anything happening in our lives. He's just so-- so-- so-- WONDERFUL!

oh, I said too much already.

Sigh. I hope he knows that I'm just here waiting until my heart stops beating :)

Merry Monday, friends!

Let the dreamers continue with their dreaming.

The other morning I was thinking about how I always dream about wanting to do this or that. I'm tired of dreaming. I guess it's fine if you want to be stuck in a never ending dreamland where you can float along and never amount to much. I've had enough. It's time for less dreaming and more doing.

These ideas that I've had in my mind for the past few years, I think it's time I did something with them.

A dream is no good if that's all it ever is.

Nothing to say

I haven't had anything to say.

It's a thought that takes me only a second to say and only two seconds to realize is a complete lie.

I passed all my exams this midterm, we started having a hardcore training in our pep squad, an anonymous person asked me to give any suggestion for his article, and I'm deeply in love with a guy and not a gal (JSYK, cuz I'm enrolled in an all girls school).

Fact is, I've had a lot to say. I just don't want to say it.

It's probably because to say things makes me feel vulnerable and open. Generally, I like this feeling. I like to foster that between me and my family and friends. Truly, I do. But I like it on my terms.

And when one is officially a great writer, and soon to be a full-time worker and goal-achiever, the vulnerability is officially no longer my own.

And maybe that's why I don't want to say things. I think I already feel like I'm saying enough.

"When I dream of you, and I wake to find you aren't really here, I miss you all the more."

Sigh.

Officially back!

At last! I finally had the time to open my blog and post something new. It’s been 3 weeks (I guess?) that this was in silent. The last time I blogged here was when I received my certificate from a baking class and reminding you how many more days before my birthday.

4 days before my birthday, people inside the house were so busy preparing everything for the party, from the house, the foods, drinks and etc. It was even raining so hard that time and I was already feeling something not so good about it. We even received frequent brown- out due to the heavy rains pouring. When it was already the day of my birthday, I was expecting many visitors to come because many said they will attend my birthday party. Then, I was disappointed. Few only came because of the stupid weather! I knew this was happening! I was really annoyed because the people who I was expecting the most didn’t come. And honestly, I was so sad and told myself that it was the worst party ever! But good thing I looked at the bright side, Janred came, and he is one of the important people in my life, my girlfriends also remembered me, and so as the guy I’ve been crushing for a long time, eventually, I find calmness in my sorrowing heart.

After the birthday party and everything that happened, I cleaned the whole house again, washed piles of plates and arranged the furniture. Now it was the time to prepare everything for my new school.

Another disappointment came to my life when I wasn’t able to qualify to enroll in my dream school, ADMU, when I received an e-mail from their office. I started holding back tears because my cousin and my mom were around and I don’t want them to see me crying. What happened to my birthday and the news I received made me so down! A failure! I felt like my life was in ruin. I have no other choice but to enter MIRIAM COLLEGE, an exclusive school for girls. I never wanted to enroll there but I have no choice and the deadline of requirements needed was near. If I didn’t abruptly make a move, they might not accept me and not be able to enter any school at all. So, I guess, that is where I really belong. I have no other choice but to accept the outcome of my life.

After I successfully passed all the needed requirements, I was now enrolled in that school. I wasn’t feeling so happy at all. I started attending psychological exam and orientations from those said schedules. And you know what sucks? My dream school is just beside my present school and every time I’ll pass by I can feel that I am so hurt, I even question myself, “Am I really an imbecile?”

I’m trying to move on by searching things what my present school has that my dream school doesn’t have. But whatever I see around the campus, still ADMU is far better.
I guess I just started loving my present school when I listened to the last orientation that they held last June 7. It was convincing, and little, I’m starting to be proud that I am now a MARYKNOLLER. They even prepared different presentations from different clubs and organizations they have and they really amused me.

The following day, June 8, was my first day in school and my first time to be in college. I felt just fine traveling there and meeting my blockmates and making new set of friends. And until present I’m gaining more academically and socially.

Reformation

Lately, I’ve been going to the wrong direction and thinking in a wrong way.  I lost focus of what I always love to do and that is---- to BLOG.  To make some clarifications I asked myself,

“What’s wrong, Erica? What makes you down? How will you be successful if you’re always like this? What are the possible ways to put you on full strength again? Where is the eagerness you used to put in yourself to reach that goal? You need to answer these questions right here, right now. Don’t waste time. Come on! You used to repeat the phrase make use of my time again and again in your mind. But what are you doing? You’re just sitting there and looking at nowhere. Isn’t this the right time to use it? ”.

Don’t get me wrong, but I really talk to myself often.

Remember my last post before this? You can read it back if you want so you can understand clearly what I am talking about.

If you just know, Blogging is a big deal for me, earlier as now I am practicing myself for bigger purposes. I am putting myself to the test, to ready myself to make my career successful in the future, and this is a perfect way to start. I always wanted to be a WRITER. I love writing; I always have abundant imaginations and can make them out of a story.

I often picture myself holding a book in front of the Medias throwing questions of how I made it, that the book I have created is now a bestselling not only in my continent, but also worldwide. That my name is very famous and is always seen in magazines and newspapers, and paparazzi are everywhere to snap photos of me for their own article, and they might also put it in their blogs too. And that I’m well- known by people just like how Ophra Winfrey is right now, and so as Bill Gates, and the others.

Doesn’t it feel good to be true? I want these things to happen, I really do.

But in every big achievement it is necessary to start at the small one, because there is a saying, “In every thousand miles we start with one step”.  But how will it be as big as my imagination to make it in reality if in small areas I am not making a move?  I should stop being happy-go-lucky and should set a goal.

Just like yesterday, I know there’s something nice to blog about a grandpa and my unusual feeling of what happened that the readers will find it touching, but I didn’t post it because I’m lazy and tired. I’m tired because I’ve been doing nothing the whole day.  See? This is not good. When I get a job I can’t be like this. Do you get what I mean?

If you’re telling me that maybe I’m getting the wrong choice of career, you’re wrong. This is what I love, being in the industry of authors, editors, writers, columnists, etc. This is really the profession I wanted to take. I’m just being TOO LAZY.

And I find my courage again when a friend of mine, Mr. John Marine, had an article about blogging stuff which I find it absolutely true. He inspires many people across the world including me. And his words are very powerful and meaningful that you will get up from where you are seated and start doing what you really love that is good for you and for your career. I appreciate everything he does for me all the time.

If you want to meet him, just visit his blog here.

And this time, I’ll make it sure that I’m heading the right direction to success with God’s guidance.

Full of Inspiration and Motivation

Good evening to you my friend.

I am just done with my Valedictory speech that I am talking about earlier @ LJ where you can read here.
And before I go to bed, let me tell you more about this very hour.

These past days, many people are making me feel great and fulfilling. Must be the way how I emit my feelings to others. And I am thankful to those people, and to God of course, He is always included in all the gratitudes that I am giving.

As I checked my twitter account, I was full of accomplishments for the compliments that I have read from people who follow me and at the same time I follow them back too.

Here's why: (Click the photo to enlarge)

(There are things that are easy to explain by showing than by saying)

.. and I never thought that not only few enjoy reading my blog, but there are many. And because of those people I just have a new strength to do more greater things in life.

I know that you know who you people are touching my life filling it with glory, love and happiness.

Thank you :)

It's time for a check-up.

"If it isn't broken, don't fix it." It sounds innocent enough, but I've been thinking about this phrase for a few weeks now and how misguiding it can be. Are we really supposed to wait until something in our life is broken before we fix it, before it gets some attention or maintenance?

I don't understand how some people can find this mantra to be valuable. With such a mindset one is expected to believe that the world will take care of itself and there's no need to step in and take action until something is wrong. What does such an attitude say about one's:

friendships

marriage

health

house

vehicle

(insert something really important to you right here)

?

We need to care for and be good stewards of all that we have. This means constantly working and striving to keep it at its best. It's much easier and less costly (financially, spiritually, physically, and mentally) to maintain something over the course of its life than to clean up its broken pieces. Yes, that does mean work, but the downside of letting anything valuable in our lives slip through our fingers is that it is not guaranteed that it will be able to be fixed or replaced should something damaging happen to it.

Just saying.

self loathing

I was Charles Dickens in another life.

Or, maybe I wasn't him. Maybe I was that crazy lady in Great Expectations.

What was her name? Havingham? Haversham?

Havisham.

(I googled it.)

Remember her? The nutcase who stopped the clocks in her house to the exact moment of her betrayal at the alter and who never took off her wedding dress and lived in her rotting mansion with her crazy adopted daughter?

Is that me? Or, future me?

So, maybe I'm not the crazy spinster but I know something about Great Expectations. I am the queen of creating Great Expectations.

Always, always setting up expectations. Thinking things like "oh, this will be wonderful" or "oh, this is the person I will marry" or "oh, I am going to publish my book" or "oh, this moment will be the moment of all moments and I will always remember this impending moment."

And then it doesn't happen that way.

I spiral.

And it sucks because I wish I could just have a bad day and leave it at that. Why can't I just have a bad day? Why are bad days always accompanied by fear that the depression will creep back into my life? I am once again thinking things like "Do I need meds?" or "Can I beat this with theraphy?" and "Maybe if I stopped eating junk food, I'd feel better," and "I wish I could feel like my life is not out of my control."

Spiral down.

It starts with a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a burning in my eyes. Anything to keep from crying.

Don't happy people have bad days when all they do is cry?

I don't know who I am sometimes, but I am not the famed English author and I am not a crazy spinster and I am not a boy with a stupid name and I am not a convict. But I know a little something about Great Expectations.

I Double Dog Dare You...

...to leave a comment...just one...just one little itsy bitsy comment...

Define 'Happines'

I am going through some of the hardest days in my life. Days that I didn't see come. Days I didn't plan for. Days I haven't thought of alternatives or ways to overcome them. They say that something good must come after a lot of bad, and I await passionately and anxiously and also willingly with a smile to see what is next.


I am excited about what is next.

I know what is happiness.

I know where is happiness.

I have found happiness.

Have you?

Ah, What then?

While I am reading my book, Sophie's World, I read a paragraph that makes my day. It is like the one who gave that gift (Janus), is asking me about the line you are about to read:

"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to the heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had a flower in your hand?

Ah, what then?"

What then?

Something random to share today :)

Open Collar!

I attended Mayo's Open Collar!

It was really an honor to be there. I was so happy and excited to see him once again after 2 months. My heart can't stop bouncing so fast. I'm still in love with him. He got thinner. I frowned when I noticed. But I believe he can put back his normal weight again.

Plus, I was the one who opened his collar (that should be his mother or any of his relatives, but none came). Luckily, I was there.


They had their crazy dance too! They were able to dance in a synchronized order even with their heavy combat shoes! Too bad, they didn't do HIPHOP. LOL!

(my brother)

(A butterfly landed my pants)

After everything inside the camp, we took pictures and ate together in a fast food chain (coz' we don't want to experience that bullfighting? bulleating? I forgot the term. Lah.. Never mind.)






After lunch, him and I shared HALO-HALO in one bowl. (yummy! it's so sweet!), Then drove us back to my aunt's house (where me and my family slept over) and talked for half an hour.

I missed him so much if he just knew. I want a hug but I can't have the chance, maybe next time.

After that, he asked to say good bye because he needed to go back inside the camp.

We departed. I felt sad, but at least we had a bonding.

Now I am relieved.

I have to wait another month to completely see him every weekend, just like before.
And I am sure he can often send me messages.

I'll be waiting.

Goodnight, I still have exams for UP tomorrow. I'm leaving Cavite at 3AM
(yawn)