My heart is in pain

I can't remember when was the last time I felt hurt, I mean my heart. Maybe because that time when I was younger I found out that my crush had someone in his heart already. Yes. I felt hurt for that stupid crush. And that was a long time ago.

It's totally different today, I'm not a baby or a kid anymore. I'm growing up, as a teen. And crushes are not a big deal for me anymore.

I felt hurt for someone who I really love, not just an ordinary crush anymore. Someone who is really special to me. Someone I fell for.

Even tough I'm a little sad of what happened, I know this will pass away since we have talked clearly about our situation.

We are mutually bound. We love each other but we can't be together. He said it is not the right time for both of us.

This is what he said, " Remember what I'll say. Study, Meet people, enjoy your life and if you can live your life as if I'm not part of it. I don't want to be a hindrance to your life."

I cried, of course, for a while. But now I think it is healing.

Thanks for my mother's guidance. Without her, maybe I'll feel more hurt than ever.


'Till next time,
Erica

Great ... Just Great

I'm an advocate of using correct grammar and proper spelling. I think it improves communication. So when I get something like this in my email, well, it just doesn't help me at all ...

Cna yuo raed tihs?

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
No matter ... I'm still in favor of proper English, even without the support of Cambridge University.

Stay Safe

Here are some statistics:

1. Riding in automobiles is responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.

2. Seventeen percent of all accidents occur in the home.

3. Fourteen percent of all accidents happen to pedestrians.

4. Sixteen percent of all accidents involve air, rail, or water forms of transportation.

5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% die in hospitals.

BUT, you will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services at church, and these are usually related to previous conditions. Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for us to be at any given point in time is at church.

And, Bible study is safe, too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

So, for SAFETY'S sake, attend church, and read your Bible; IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Colored People

What is it with colors? Have you ever noticed that they have a variety of meanings?

If you're angry, you're seeing red. If you're sad, you're blue. A person can be green with envy, and a coward is yellow. If you're healthy, you're in the pink. A "blah" day would be a gray day. And, of course, if you're really in a bad mood, it could be a black mood.

Then we can shuffle the deck. If you work for a company that isn't making money, it is operating in the red. Of course, if it is making money, you would think it was operating in the green, but it's not -- it's in the black. If it happens to be in the red, you might be seeing red. If you were smart you might feel kind of yellow, of course, realizing that they might give you a pink slip which could make you blue, but the goal for them would be to operate in the black. Yeah, like that's not confusing.

So ... what color are you?

The Problem Thinker

To my readers: I didn't write this. If I knew who did, I'd give them credit. I just thought it was humorous enough to pass on. Be sure to read all the way to the end.

It started out innocently enough.. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

I came home early that afternoon. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking... ."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

But, Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.

"You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting..

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step.

I joined the Democratic Party.

Humor for Lexophiles

A friend sent this to me and it was worth it to pass it on to you. If you don't laugh, at least you'll have new insight into my character.

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it!
9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
10. The dead batteries were given out, free of charge.
11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is just two-tired.
13. A will is a dead giveaway.
14. A backward poet writes inverse.
15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in linoleum blownapart.
18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
19. A calendar's days are numbered.
20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
24. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

NSF

This is not original. A friend of mine has a friend in the banking profession sent me this that was sent to him. I thought it was funny enough to pass on.
Dear Sirs,

I recently received a notice on one of my checks that said "insufficient funds." In view of what is going on internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. Does that refer to me or to you?

Sincerely,

A depositor

Know-It-Some

I've been accused of being an arrogant know-it-all. While I'm not sure actually knowing it all is a bad thing, I'm pretty sure that being an arrogant know-it-all isn't meant as a compliment. Of course, to be fair, I don't know where the accusation comes from. You see, there are a lot of things I don't understand.

I don't understand the correlation of predestination and free will. I affirm both and perhaps a lot more of it seems clear to me than to a lot of others I know, but I can't really put it all together in a nice, neat package.

I don't understand Quantum Physics. Not even a little.

I don't understand the Trinity. Oh, I believe it and I can explain a lot about it, but ... it's God and I'm not.

The other day I was waiting with other pedestrians at a street corner waiting for the light to change. A woman waiting with us became very agitated. A motorist across the way had part of his car in the crosswalk while he waited behind the bus that had stopped in front of him. She started to yell at him. "Don't you know that it's illegal to stop your car in the crosswalk??!! What's wrong with you??!!" And then she crossed ... against the light. I don't understand people like that.

Some of what I don't get isn't nearly as serious. I work in a "weapons-free zone". So why can't I get free weapons?

I bought a bottle of water from a vending machine and followed the instructions, "Get change here." So why am I still the same?

Why are some people lack toast and tolerant?

What exactly is a pullet surprise and why are people happy to get them?

Oh, the list goes on and on. I'd have to say that I'm not much more than a know-it-some. I think the better people get to know me, the more likely they'll think I'm a know-very-little.

Ah, What then?

While I am reading my book, Sophie's World, I read a paragraph that makes my day. It is like the one who gave that gift (Janus), is asking me about the line you are about to read:

"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to the heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had a flower in your hand?

Ah, what then?"

What then?

Something random to share today :)

Banned Bunny

Did you know that there are "banned" Bugs Bunny cartoons? That's right. There are, according to sources, twelve cartoons featuring Bugs Bunny that have been removed from circulation by the owners because they contained what was deemed to be racist or offensive content. Imagine that! Bugs Bunny cartoons -- racist and offensive.

Well, tell me "banned Bugs Bunny cartoons" and I go searching. I haven't found them all. They're not available. But I've seen a few. I watch them and think, "Oh, yeah, I can see how that would be offensive ... today." You see, when I watched them as a kid, I didn't see it. It's not that I was so racist as a child that it didn't phase me. It's that I didn't have a single racist thought as a kid so the notion that Bugs Bunny might be insulting certain people groups never occurred to me. And, now that I think about it, I still have to wonder.

A few of them include caricatures of various races like Native American, black, and Eskimo. As in just about every single Bugs Bunny cartoon that I can think of, Bugs is smart while his antagonist is stupid. Whether it's Pete Puma, Elmer Fudd, or any other character who crosses Bugs' path, they are portrayed as dim-witted and Bugs as brilliant. Funny thing. when Pete Puma or Elmer Fudd or a pack of hounds are portrayed as dim-witted, no one is up in arms. The animal rights folks aren't protesting. There isn't a cacaphony of white organizations trying to ban a racist depiction of white folks in the character of Elmer. But change that character to someone of another race and we've got a problem.

A couple of them include caricatures of the Germans and the Japanese. That, of course, is because they were made during World War II. Anytime we go to war, it is likely that we will make fun of the enemy. Spoofs of Sadaam were popular during Desert Storm. The Internet is full of lampoons of Osama Bin Laden. So in World War II, the Germans and the Japanese were stereotyped and made to look stupid. This, of course, is unacceptable. When satirizing someone, you must always treat them with dignity and decorum. You know, like all the comedy outlets do today when ridiculing the President or Christians or ... wait, that's not working, is it?

I'm not saying that there was no racism in those old cartoons. Nor am I condoning them. I'm simply saying that there's something to be said for childhood innocence. As a kid it never occurred to me that those comedic images were actually intended as racist commentaries. I thought they were cartoons. Foolishly, I thought they were fictional, intended to make Bugs look smart and funny and make me laugh. Little did I know that they were the product of a deep and abiding hatred for anything "other". I didn't suspect that Elmer Fudd represented a stupid white American, that Pete Puma was the cartoon's way of telling us how all pumas are idiots, or that Japanese people are idiots because they portrayed one that way. So maybe children miss this stuff.

I suspect, however, that in some cases children are simply more accurate in these things. It seems as if any comment, any innuendo, any wink-wink-nudge-nudge, anything that even hints at the mere possibility of a whiff of racism is perceived as an affront. In a recent news item about how white people are becoming the minority in many places, I heard the commentator mention how Hispanics perceive "illegal alien" as racist. Now, if you examine the term, there is nothing "racist" in the term. Illegal aliens come from any country that is not this country. They are any race, any color, any creed. It is non-discriminatory except for the concept of "illegal". Yet the perception is that the term is racist. Why? And why is it that only white people can be racist? Why is it that no one is complaining on the behalf of Elmer Fudd? He's white and stupid. Why aren't they up in arms over that?

I don't know. I like to think that adults acquire wisdom over the years, and I believe that is generally true. Sometimes, however, the innocence of children will provide a component of wisdom that many seem to have lost. Can't we all just get along?

Blah Blah Blah

Another day where I can't get my thoughts into words. Too much hurt, too much confusion and not enough peace makes writing hard. Today is just one of those days.

Blogging has been hard for several weeks now and it's been difficult to write congruent thoughts without creating a book. While writing has been an outlet for me, it is also a barometer of the stress and strain of what is going on in my life. More so, it is a barometer of where I stand in my relationship with God because when I am trusting Him completely there is a peace around me that is certainly supernatural, but, when I am in the old mode of wanting what I want and struggling with emotions that are neither healthy nor productive, there is no peace and I am a tangled mass of confusing thoughts and feelings. This isn't a good recipe for writing.

Feelings versus Facts

I wrote this back in 2009 to help me sort through my feelings and compare them through God's facts. I realize that we often operate on a faulty basis of feelings (which can lie) versus the truth. So I did this as an exercise ... you know ... transforming the mind. I thought, perhaps, it might be of some benefit to you

My Feelings	God’s Facts
1. Nobody loves me.	I am loved. John 13:1; 14:21; 15:13; Rom. 5:8; 8:35-39; 1 John 4:10, 16; 3:1; Rev. 3:19
2. Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me?	All things work together for good. Rom. 8:28
3. I’m good for nothing.	I am highly valued by the highest being in the universe – God. Rom. 3:24; 1 Cor. 7:23; 6:20; 1 Pet. 1:18-19 I am viewed as pure by God, a new creation. Jer. 31:34; Psa 103:12; Rom. 6:4-11; 2 Cor. 5:17-20; Eph. 4:24; Heb. 8:12
4. Why couldn’t I be … (better looking, more athletic, taller, shorter, skinnier, smarter, etc.)?	I was personally designed by God. This includes my physical characteristics, my parentage, and my circumstances. Job 10:10-11; Psa. 139:13-16; 119:73
5. He/she made me angry (any feeling that is admittedly wrong).	Each of us is responsible for our own responses. James 1:14
6. I don’t have any skills (abilities to contribute to my world).	To each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 1 Cor. 12:7, 16, 22, 23
7. I’m a loser, a failure.	I am a conqueror. Rom. 8:37 I have the power for all things I must do. Phil. 4:13

Now, keep in mind, for this to be most effective for you, you will have to do the work yourself. You will have to fill in the "My Feelings" column with your own feelings and the "God's Facts" column with the truth about what you're feeling. Maybe, just maybe, you will find that it is helpful for you as it was for me.

What Would You Say?

Just for fun ...


"I told you you were mom's favorite."


"Weeeee! Can we go higher?!!!"


"What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know ... what do you wanna do?"


"You can't see me; I am a master of camouflage."

Who is Jesus?

Meet Jesus. He visits often and speaks to me. Sometimes I don't fully understand what he's saying, but that's my problem, not his. He's friendly, caring, and hard-working. He's my neighbor's Latino gardener.

Yeah, that's not quite right, is it? It's just a bit of humor. But when we start really asking the question, "Who is Jesus?", we can start to run into real problems if we're not careful.

Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Son of God, one of God's spirit children. He is brother to Lucifer, the brother who went bad. God, of course, is one of innumerable Gods, and it is only natural that He would have multiple children, including Jesus. Jesus's death on the cross was not sufficient to actually save completely, but His ultimate goal is to save us through that death and our good works so that we, too, can become gods by our own right. Now, I realize that this is not in accordance with everything you find in your Bible, but that's because your Bible has been influenced over the centuries to stray from the truth, so obviously this truth about who Jesus is will not align with the errors in your Bible. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Mormons are not saved?

Who is Jesus? Jesus is a man born over 2,000 years ago. He is the best man ever born. He is not only the son of God; he is a god himself. Now, be careful with that, because he also identified himself as the son of Man. The conclusion that he was God's son was not his own; other people said it. Some have claimed that he was God Himself, but that isn't true. He prayed to God, so he cannot be God and pray to God. He is at the right hand of God, so clearly he cannot be God. In John 1 it identifies him as "the Word" and says he was with God, so He can't be God. When the rich young ruler referred to him as "good", he denied that he was God by saying, "Only God is good." No, no, he was not God in the sense of "God Almighty". He was a god in the sense like Satan is called "the god of this world" or powerful people were referred to as "gods". Jesus was the best man ever born, a powerful man, blessed by God, and a god in that sense. We hold that salvation is possible only through Christ’s ransom sacrifice along with repentance and good works in the name of Jehovah. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Jehovah's Witnesses are not saved?

Who is Jesus? Jesus came to show us the way. He is our savior. He is the spiritual God who took on human flesh to show us true Christ Consciousness. Through this consciousness we are saved. Now, we know that you have this quaint story about Him "dying on the cross" and all, but since Jesus was actually God in the flesh, He couldn't actually die, now, could He? He simply released Himself from the lie of "death" as He did from the lie of sickness and all other sin-based errors. He didn't "die on the cross" to "pay for your sin" because sin is simply a false understanding of the Divine Mind (which Jesus came to correct) and doesn't actually exist. We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation. How could you possibly say that Christian Scientists are not saved?

I could go on, but perhaps you're getting the point. It's actually fairly easy to say, "We believe in Jesus and trust Him for our salvation." It's fairly easy to even mean it wholeheartedly. And it's pretty easy to then claim "We believe what you believe; we're saved by grace through faith in Christ!" Of course, if you try to start asking questions like "What do you mean by 'grace'?" or "How would you define 'faith'?" or "Who is Jesus to you?" ... well, now you're just being narrow-minded and judgmental! In fact, you're probably one of those pharisaical fundies, aren't you? So, really, what makes you think you'resaved, you're so smart?!

Perfect- Herdely

Falling a thousand feet per second
You still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over
I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence
Takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

Making every kind of silence
It takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong

I know that I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

When you're caught in a lie
And you've got nothing to hide
When you've got nowhere to run
And you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me
You thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my, just my
Self, just myself
Myself, just myself

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying

Broken

If it's broke, will you fix it?

Failing the Napfa test. Again.
Failing the Math test. Again.
Failing to get a response from you. Again.

You used to give me hope, the light to my path.
Is it winter? Why
So cold then.
Is it night? Why
Can't I see anything.
Nothing to live for.

Flaws. Fears.
Is it esteem, self-
Merely? Or
Is fate being its usual self.
Oh yeah, carry on
Ignorance is familiar.

Yea. Nope. Okay. Bye.
Single, single in every way of the word-
Am I over-reading this.
Is the impossible hope still around?
Has it left or
Stayed to torment me?

Can't leave what you took aboard;
Can't retrieve what you gave away;
I've just given and given have I lost my salvation-
I'm just going mad am I?
No success in anything, no glimmer of hope-
Tears aren't even clear anymore.

Yea, yea turn your back on me.
I see, I know, I flinch, I can't
Carry on this way-
Somehow or other something's gotta give.
I can't give you up.
So just twist the knife, slowly.

Can you hear the rain on the roof of this empty house?
A heart is a home.
Windows shut, doors bolted.
Lightning, wind and cruel storms!
How long more-
For this house to break?

The Work of God

In John 6 we read the story of the feeding of the 5,000 with five barley loaves and two fish. Great story. Good stuff. At the end of the story, the people decided to take Jesus by force and crown Him king, so Jesus headed off for some alone time and the disciples headed off across the Sea of Galilee. There is the classic story of Jesus walking on the water in there, and then they arrived at the other side. The next day, the crowd caught up with Jesus again. They were converts now. They wanted to know, "What must we do, to be doing the works of God?" Jesus, of course, wasn't fooled. He knew they were there to get fed, not to learn from Him. So He answered, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent."

It's a mind-boggling statement. We're all pretty sure that it is our effort of believing in God. Jesus says that belief is God's work. Think of that! Paul says that God has assigned to each of us a "measure of faith". That is, if you have faith, it's because it was given to you, not because you mustered it up. He told the Philippians that their believing in Christ was a gift granted to them. He tells young Pastor Timothy that he should correct opponents with gentleness because "God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth."

I like to reflect on worship on Sundays. I like to examine reasons to ascribe worth to God, the basic definition of "worship" (actually the origin of the word). There are lots of reasons to see God as of extreme value, but I can think of none today more amazing than this single notion. I am saved because He saved me. I didn't supply the righteousness required. I didn't supply the payment for failing to provide the required righteousness. I didn't supply the effort, the will, even the faith required. I am forgiven because He did it all. Or, as Augustus Toplady put it, "Nothing in my hand I bring; simply to Thy cross I cling."

It may do damage to my pride, standing here helpless and all. But I'll agree with Paul on this. "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." That's "worth-ship".

Achoo!

Before the first period of class started, I sneezed for three times consecutively. Jamie approached me and said,

"I guess someone remembers you. If you don't have a runny nose and you sneezed like that without any reasons, That could be a sign."

The first thing came to my mind was MAYO. I hope he really did :)

Well, I learned a new superstition from her.

Nightmare

I'm not yet ready to face the reality after I dreamed about mom.

I previously posted here that she is sick. But she's fine now.

Last night, as I walk to my room to have my sleep after blogging, my mind was in peace, relaxed and relieved coming home safely after our trip to Cavite. After praying, I fastly fell asleep.

And that's the start of my nightmare.

The scene was inside my mom's room. She's lying down in her bed not breathing anymore. Me, my two younger siblings and my grandma surrounded her crying sorrowfully.

She's Dead!

In my dream I started blaming myself that it's all my fault. She got sick because I asked her to drive me to the camp just to see my crush, and because of that I made her so tired and asked her a lot that makes her ill worse.

It's stupid I know, but that's how it happened.

Luckily, when I was able to blink my eyes open, I realized that it was just a stupid dream, a very stupid dream that means the opposite in reality. Thank God, It was just a dream!

As I reflect myself from reality, It's obvious that I'm not yet ready to lose her. Not only to mom, but to my dad and grandma too. I don't want this to happen soon.

I woke up in bed with teary eyes. And I hate it because when I came to school, it's obvious that I hardly had my sleep.

P.S. Janus texted me that night. It was so sweet to receive a message from him.

The Hero and the Pet

Mom is sick today.

I feel so sorry for her.

She always drives us everywhere we go. Especially when we go to Cavite. It is a far place from our home. It takes 2 hours to arrive there.

Mom was so tired doing her daily tasks, now that she didn't have her full rest, She got cold.

She drives the whole family when we want to visit the camp to see Janus (and went there today and hugged him so tightly, what an experience!).

she can't sleep while driving when we leave the house so early in the morning, while us, passengers, can sleep until we reach the place we are going.

I hope she feels better tomorrow.

oh, and babe, our pet puppy, just died when we came back home this night. She didn't bark when we parked the car, she didn't move when we called her name, we haven't heard anything from her. Poor doggie.

My sister cried because her one and only pet left her without saying goodbye. Babe was with us for 3 and a half month.

(sigh).

Problems, you can never avoid them.

(sigh).

Nature and its best

We went to Cavite this morning, my aunt's home place.

Earlier before we reach my aunt's house we had a problem with the air condition of our car, so we decided to open the window.

Luckily, there's no traffic at the highway, or else, We'll intake smoke vehicles.

I enjoyed the blow of the wind in my face, how my hairs fly away, and how fast mom is driving at the long way.

I feel free, I feel alive, I feel like a kid, and I feel God.

I missed the old times enjoying nature. The parks, the gardens, the flowers, the birds that are singing and the giggles of the children running around.

So, I asked mom to have picnic together with my cousins at the park. And we did.

there's something hilarious happened too.

My sister's registered name is "Patricia". She decided to have a horseback riding with my younger cousins. They went to the pen and picked the horse they wanted to ride. coincidentally, the horse was named the same as my sister. The color of the horse is white and it is fat. While my sister has a dark complexion, and also fat. Here's what happened.

Patricia (my sister): "Ate Jerin, Why don't you ride at the pad of the horse, it my get hurt because you are heavy when you sit there."

Guide: "Don't worry about that, Patricia is fat!"

Jerin: hahahaha.. !



nice laughtrip with the whole family

Amen!

In 5 minutes ...

Our room was completely clean!

It was so unbelievable to have a very neat room in just a few minutes!

For the month of August, one of our activities is to have a clean room. There will be a surprise visit of selected staffs from the school to evaluate each classrooms.

As one of my classmates entered, she screamed, "Ms. Mauricio is here! hurry! She's checking the room next to us. Quick!"

My classmates started to panic and began to run like ants. Some started to sweep the floor, erase the writings at the blackboard, fix the bookshelves, arranged the chairs, cleaned the wall fan, etc., etc.

Me, I'm just staring at them and laughing.

The students inside the room was so crazy that moment.

It's like magic that the room cleaned so fast in a blink of an eye.

They finished on time when someone already knocked at our door.

We sat down and smiled as they entered.

Everything seemed so perfect, but we forgot something --- the window!

Shoot! the windows were unclear.

Lah.

What he doesn't know

1. I keep his t-shirt inside my closet.

2. I always wait for his messages every morning 'til night

3. I daydream about him everyday.

4. Wishing to visit us (especially ME) often.

5. Staring at his photos all the time.

6. Showing off to my friends.

7. Planning what to do when he is around

8. I want to hug him every time we meet

9. I want to have a heart to heart talk with him.

10. I have my own private diary about him only.

He is more than an addictive drug to me. What does he has that makes me fall in love so much? What does he keeps my mind that makes me have high grades in classes?

I wanna know WHAT.

He came to visit us this afternoon

My family just finished lunch. I went straight to my room to get my phone and read messages. The one whom I am waiting for to send me a message appeared in my inbox. I started showing my wide smile to them. It was Mayo, No other person but him, the only person whom I wanted to receive messages from.

The message content says, "where are you?". It was 20 minutes ago when he sent that.

I replied quickly and said, "At home. Are you coming?"

He didn't respond back.

After 5 minutes, someone knocked at our gate. It was him! Mayo! I abruptly opened it and let him in.

"Good afternoon! I came here to hand this gift to your sister since it was her birthday last Thursday.", he entered the living room.

He brought my sister a book which she always love to have.

He stayed for a while, I gave him a drink. Then here we go again (or maybe it's only me). I have plenty of things I wanted to tell him, but I always forget what are those. I always regret the moment when he is always with me. I'll remember once again when he left already.

What's the problem with me?

Plus, when he said good bye that he has to go back to the camp before it gets dark I already have the chance to hug him and tell him I missed him. but I wasn't able. I'm too shy to make a move.

What I did is I sent him a message saying "I want to hug you because I missed you but I forgot."

What the heck did I sent?

At least he knows. My worry is he didn't reply back after.

Is he really turned off? mommy... help!

Why do I feel stupid when I'm around him?

(gasp)

I have this blooper at the OPEN COLLAR. But this is not the only time that happened to me. It's almost like everyday when I am around him.

At the open collar an officer approached us and said, "When we call the family and love ones you can go near them and open their COLLARS."

That's a simple instruction, right?

Now It was the time to go near him (Mayo), I am so sure what to do. Suddenly, my mind was so mixed, like I forgot the whole thing. My excitement came over me. I'm running to go near him. Searching him in line. And there, I saw him.

Yeah, so I was near him now, So close.

I'm taking off his scarf!

He said,"no, not there. Here in front. Open one button in front, MY COLLAR."

Oh yeah, His COLLAR. Not the SCARF. Stupid!

What the heck am I doing?! Gosh, I was so embarrassed!

***

The other embarrassing moment is when he asked me if I know how to sew, and I said YES. He asked me to sew his cloth and I started sewing it in a sewing machine. I am wondering why it's not working, Then I saw the machine was unplugged! Stupid!

second was when we were at the restaurant, he wrote something in a small paper and made me read it. It says, "Can you duet with me later at the cruisin' song?". I thought it was really for me then I replied, "Sorry. My voice is very bad"

He said, "I'll give this letter to the lady at our back because she has a beautiful voice. Is my message alright?" Shoot! Another stupidity.

lastly, when we travel outside he can see me from the center mirror of the car that my mouth is open when I'm sleeping at the back! geez!

If I were him, I'm already turned off!

waaaahhh... Mommy! I wanna cry! I'm so stupid!

Open Collar!

I attended Mayo's Open Collar!

It was really an honor to be there. I was so happy and excited to see him once again after 2 months. My heart can't stop bouncing so fast. I'm still in love with him. He got thinner. I frowned when I noticed. But I believe he can put back his normal weight again.

Plus, I was the one who opened his collar (that should be his mother or any of his relatives, but none came). Luckily, I was there.


They had their crazy dance too! They were able to dance in a synchronized order even with their heavy combat shoes! Too bad, they didn't do HIPHOP. LOL!

(my brother)

(A butterfly landed my pants)

After everything inside the camp, we took pictures and ate together in a fast food chain (coz' we don't want to experience that bullfighting? bulleating? I forgot the term. Lah.. Never mind.)






After lunch, him and I shared HALO-HALO in one bowl. (yummy! it's so sweet!), Then drove us back to my aunt's house (where me and my family slept over) and talked for half an hour.

I missed him so much if he just knew. I want a hug but I can't have the chance, maybe next time.

After that, he asked to say good bye because he needed to go back inside the camp.

We departed. I felt sad, but at least we had a bonding.

Now I am relieved.

I have to wait another month to completely see him every weekend, just like before.
And I am sure he can often send me messages.

I'll be waiting.

Goodnight, I still have exams for UP tomorrow. I'm leaving Cavite at 3AM
(yawn)

Losing Weight

You know, losing weight is a good thing. I'm certainly not going to complain that some excess pounds have come off. But here's the funny thing...instead of having slimmer thighs or less pouchy belly, my feet have become smaller! Seriously, I've lost weight in my feet.

That's a little strange, is it not?

Physics 101

I don't know if I hate the subject or the teacher itself. I find it so harsh to deal with his paper works and more from his subject!

First, he said that every Sunday we must watch 'Matang Lawin' or 'Kap's Amazing Stories' and make a reaction paper out of it. I feel so bad about that stupid homework! Why? Matang Lawin starts at 9am and Kap's at 8pm. But the family leaves the house around 6am and comes home at 9pm. How will I watch the program now? And where's the break? didn't he know that SUNDAY IS FAMILY DAY? If he doesn't leave the house, well, don't make us too.

There's no enjoyment in life when I have to do that all the time. I'm gonna be locked up at home for the rest of this school year. Saturday can't be available for Family day because it's still a working day for us.

lastly, he got mad with us the previous day because of my annoying classmates. He said that from now on we'll have quiz first before we discuss the lesson. And he said that it will be effective FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR!

arrrggghhh.... !

Overheard Conversation

There are two guys at the backseat who were not listening to our Mathematician. While staring at the blackboard, I heard their conversations. And this overheard story is kinda NASTY.

Boy 1: I have a sad story for you about a wife and her cremated husband (giggles)

Boy 2: Tell me (giggles)

B1: There's a wife who decided to cremate her husband after his death. Then she went to the seashore carrying a jar of her husband's ashes.

B2: (curious if it is really a sad story)

B1: Blowing the ashes away, the wife said. "This will be my last BLOW JOB for you."

B2: (his mind is loading and trying to figure what his friend meant)

B1: Get it?

B2: Ahh .. is that a green joke?

B1: Yes. (big joker smile on his face)

B2: I just discovered it. Haha! Very funny! (seriously laughing)

B1: LOL

B2: Well, it's a very bad joke! (but still laughing!)

hahaha. the moment I heard that story I laughed on my own too. Geez. Boys, very ------ !

erica.

Don't mention my name, Ma'am

Yesterday, our Filipino teacher got mad with us. She stopped talking in front of the class to get our attention. And when our attention was on her, she said something that made me giggle, but I tried to force not to be noticed because I don't want her

TO MENTION MY NAME TOO!

Her sermon goes like this:

"Class, I am now annoyed with your noise. I can't tolerate this anymore! You are already grown ups so you should know how to respect the person who is talking in front. I JUST DON'T WANT TO MENTION YOUR NAMES SO YOU WON'T GET EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF THE CLASS!...."

she paused.

"PAULINE, YSABEL and SARAH! You are very noisy! If you want, you can get out of my class ... Now!"

ohh-ouh!

El oh El,

erica

At my religion class

we meet our catechist every Monday. Her name is Mrs. Laurente. Yesterday was Monday so we had our classes with her. She asked if anyone knows what are the three theological virtues. Nobody raised their hands so I had the chance to answer her question. I got them all correct so she asked me to write it on the board. She even looked at my identification to remember my name. She murmured something that I didn't understand.

When I sat back at my seat, Dela Vega was beside me. And we had a conversation.

Dela Vega: Hey, Erica! Mrs. L said that you are beautiful!

Me: really? I didn't hear her say that.

DV: Oh, come on! She really said that while looking at your ID

me: nah .. not a chance

DV: I swear, she did! (raising his voice louder)

me: not believeng.

DV: yes, she did!

me: no, she didn't!

DV: yes!

me: No!

DV: yes!

Me: Ok fine I'm beautiful. Why do you have to use Mrs. L's name to tell me I'm pretty?

DV: (Speechless)

He didn't see that coming!

haha!

I'm a BLOGaholic!

Honestly, blogging is so much fun than facebook for me, especially when I have a lot to say. Whenever I open my computer, I first visit my blog. I check if I have new followers and comments to read. Sadly, No new followers or new comments to read :( too bad!

Anyway, I'm not stopping. I can still see hope. I like it so much.

I have mentioned before that my mother only allows me to open the computer after school days. For me not to forget the happenings in my life, I write it on a scratch paper. I write and write everything that comes in my mind all the time. I write while listening to the teachers, at break times, and dismissals. Even my hand is already painful, I still continue to write. I never wanted to stop.

I a day I have plenty of stories that I would like to post, but as I reread it, I find it not so interesting and would rather crumple the paper and throw it away. But if I'm fab, I'll get to post them all after school days.

I prefer writing it first on a paper so i'll just type everything and not to think for a long time in front of the computer.

You know that everything that we do has an advantage and disadvantage. I'll tell you first the bad side. I'm starting to have thicker part of skins in an area of my right hand (kalyo), It looks so ugly an makes me anxious to show it with others. I started having this when I was 10 years old. I write heavily and so many. I feel like I'm torturing my own self.

Sometimes I wonder if my suitors will still going to like me with my ugly right hand, or if my future boyfriend will still going to hold my hand despite of the ugliness I have. Plus, It is starting to shake because of my wrong doings. I must not wash my right hand after writing and have to rest it for a while to avoid this situation.

Still, I keep on looking at the bright side. It makes my handwriting more beautiful and I can easily make an essay without having a hard time.

Oh, and there's one more thing that suddenly popped in my mind while typing this post. I am taking BS mathematics in college because I love to count money and we have a business that I will handle in the future. Now I am starting to doubt. Should I just get AB communication Arts or Journalism because of the love for writing? or should I stick with the BS Mathematics and keep in my mind that this is one of my many talents?

say?

erica

I am single ...

... for a long long time now ...

No boyfriend,

No suitors,

no crush,

No whatever . . . !

So, How it feels to be in a relationship?

I'm a human, okay?

I've been very frustrated, lately. It's been less of the "get-out-of-my-way-you're-bothering-me" kind of frustrated, and more of that terrible feeling of freshly-cut-fingernails-on-a-stark-dry-bath-towel kind of frustrated. The kind where you feel like there's a little creature gnawing at you somewhere that you just want to kick away but you can't find him. The kind where you feel like you're a WAY to big fish in a WAY too small pond - the kind of "big fish" situation that suffocates you, not makes you look awesome.

I think I realized why.

I have many ambitions. I've got small things I want to do - like read classic literature (or read anything at all) or cook more or exercise more - but I've got big things too! I want to live in exotic places. I have about 5,694 business ideas I'd love to get off the ground. I have books I want to write, skills I want to learn, shows I want to be in and things I just want to BE.

People say this is impossible.
You know, to do everything.

Those People say "Well, you're not a writer. Who are you to write a book?" or "You're not a photographer. Who are you to be taking pictures?" or "You're not an advertising major - who are you to want to intern at a design agency?"

Hence, the frustration.

It's not impossible, really. In my own way and in my own head it works out. Also - I'm a human. And since I'm a human I can do those things. Lots of other humans are doing them, so why can't I?

ISN'T BEING HUMAN ENOUGH?


That fact alone empowers me to do whatever I want. Humans have ideas. Humans DO things. And all it takes to DO something is a good idea (and a little will-power).

I think I WILL write a book - because I'm a person. A person who can write. A person with ideas who can write them down for other people to read.

I WILL be a photographer because I like it. I enjoy it. And I'm good at it. I have ideas. I crave knowledge about it and I'll keep learning. What more do I need? - a degree? A certificate that says "I'm a photographer. I enjoy it. I'm good at it. I have ideas. I crave knowledge about it." Seriously?

I think who someone "IS" or what someone "DOES" shouldn't require documentation. I really think a person can BE whoever they want or DO whatever they want regardless of formalities. It should be obvious that whatever it is is a part of them - part of the way they live. And that should be enough.

I guess now I've just got to Do It and Be It and never turn back. And no-one can tell me it's impossible.

Blessings I ask for today:

this beautiful photo is from axioo

Please bless that I won't be a dismissive, head-shaking old person when I am an old person.

And also that I won't lose my ability to be an aggressive driver.

Please bless that I won't ever become inherently frumpy, and that, even if I am, it never effects my performance in daily activities.

Please bless that I will not become a chronic apologizer so as to demean myself and those around me. (More on this to come.)

Please bless that I will be able to follow through with all my marvelous, universe-altering plans.

Please bless that I will start to appreciate school and not just wish it away because it makes me have to wake up early.

Please bless that I will be able to wake up early.

Please bless that I will be able to look forward to waking up early so I can live another day and be glad for all that is around me.

I wish

I had time to exercise and cook and do all the crafty things i want to do. Sigh.

One of these days I'll get there.

Today my life is like:

g Fish.

Why?

I'll tell you.

"I just get so hungry!"

It's true.

I've been feeling this way all week.

Mostly for knowledge.

My upper-level classes are, finally, stimulating.

My life is a circus.

That cannot be denied.

I'm few months away from graduation.

The end is in sight!

And let me tell you - I'm on to bigger and better things.

I'm not ready to give up my shoes yet.

Too much to do and too many things to see.

But in 7 months I'll have this.

And i couldn't be happier.

My current status

makes me feel pensive, thoughtful, grateful, anxious, nervous, scared, ready, willing, peaceful, uneasy, undeserving, lucky, glad, beautiful, amused, enlightened, protective, respectful, connected, selfless, selfish, risky, brave, sheepish, vulnerable and smiley.

Mostly i'm okay with it.
But it's at times like these when i maybe wish i were a fairy.

"Tink was not at all bad: or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one filling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change." - J. M. Barrie, Peter and Wendy

Also - i have soap in my eye and it stings.

Despite it all and my want to dig into each feeling and thought, i know that i'm simply the most fortunate individual Provo, Rizal has ever seen in the month of August during the year 2010.

case in point.

Ug.

Do you ever just stop and think to yourself, while maybe suppressing some mild profanities,

"What the crap am I doing with my life?"

or better yet

"What do I want to do with my life?"

Yeah. It's just one of those days.

i changed it because i changed my mind.

i've wanted to post for days, but i'm dry and drained, So here's my feeble attempt.

to post is to express
to express is to be vulnerable
to be vulnerable is to become exposed
to become exposed is to be defenseless
to be defenseless is to let your guard down
to let your guard down is to let someone in
to let someone in is to be bold
to be bold is to try to be courageous
to try to be courageous is to have audacity
to have audacity is to be honest
to be honest is to risk
to risk is to live
to live is to see
to see is to rejoice
to rejoice is to laugh
to laugh is to sing
to sing is to reflect
to reflect is to think
to think is to become illuminated
to become illuminated is to understand
to understand is to have expectations
to have expectations is to be disappointed
to be disappointed is to realize
to realize is to feel
to feel is to hurt
to hurt is to heal
to heal is to become stronger
to become stronger is to have experience
to have experience is to gain wisdom
to gain wisdom is to learn the right words to say

and having the right words? well, we all wish for that sometimes, now don't we?

Wouldn't you love to be a back-up dancer for...Kermit the Frog?

Oh I would. And then maybe I'd be destined for Broadway, too.

So here's my beef lately.
I've been hearing terrible things and it has, interestingly enough, come into a whole bunch of conversations lately: the rumor that my home-boy is now the VEGGIE monster?! ...um. EXCUSE ME?!

So I decided to do a little mythbuster-ing and it was a relief to see this:

Fun Facts About Cookie Monster
Description : Cookie lover

Birthday : November 2
Fur Color : Blue
Likes : Eating crunchy fruits, vegetables, and, of course, cookies!
Favorite Food : Cookies, cookies, and more cookies

So: The title remains true. However - likes eating crunchy fruits and vegetables? I'm sorry, when's the last time you knew a cookie-obsessed child who willingly listed "eating crunchy fruits and vegetables" as a "like." I'm just sayin...

And so the myth is busted - kind of. He's still the cookie monster of my childhood, though i don't really agree with his shift in nutritional ethics. Ho hum.